Friday, November 30, 2007

Consequences, David...

Long-time no update. Who cares, I doubt more than 2 people even know I have an account on here. But I guess that could work out to my advantage.
It's been a crazy semester, it's definitely had its ups and downs. Part of me wishes for it to end, the other half is holding on to everything and everyone I've come across throughout the semester that I would've never met had I decided to take a year off. I'm loving every minute of it, but dreading it at the same time.
I think a semester off will do me a lot of good. More-so than anyone really thinks. Everyone I've mentioned it to kind of gives me a puzzled look, like I'm crazy for doing such a thing. Well hey, it's just what I feel would work out best for me at the moment. I kind of just want to work until I have enough money to move so I can settle elsewhere and attend college. So it's not like I'm not going back people...chill out.
Watching Vanilla Sky the other day made me think a lot. It's seriously one of my favorite movies of all time, and I love watching it because every time I watch it I learn something new from it. Maybe I'm just weird, I guess. This movie is a prime example of what happens as a result of our consequences. "Consequences, David..." You should've just got in your own car and gone to work like you were supposed to David. You'd still have your face and Sophia wouldn't hate you for lying to her.
That's aside the point though...what I meant to say was, this movie can teach us all a thing or two about the things we do in life. The promises we make, and the ones that we break. I don't know that anyone's reading this, or if they care, but I highly suggest watching this movie.
Hell, I'm always up to watch it again if anyone's interested.
Anyways, my point is, this movie made me think about all the ties I have with people. From the people who I hold closest to my heart, to those that I don't get to see very often. I just wish I could let everyone know how much I care about them, and how much I don't want to lose contact with any of them.
Another thing that led me to think about this, was this "dream" I had last Friday. I was up until about 4 am that night when I finally decided to go to bed. I lied there with all these crazy thoughts and sights floating around my head when I came to realize that I was totally dreaming something while I was still awake, know what I mean?
It was this crazy movie about my life. Oh God, it was so epic. It was all these true events that have happened in my life; some things I had actually tried so hard to forget, and others that I just kinda forgot about. It was drawn out in a very Tarantino-esque way, you know how he jumps around in the story and you're like, "WTF is going on dude?" Yeah, like that.
Everyone I have ever met in my life was there, from my best friends to acquaintances and every girl I'd ever dreamed about that someday, just maybe there would be something between us.
The reason everyone was gathered was because they were all attending my funeral. I don't know exactly how I died, but I guess it was an accident. It was as almost awkward as it was sad seeing everyone I'd come across sitting in one enormous room (not gonna lie I've met a ton of people). And as I floated around the room in my camera lens-style view (not like a ghost or anything) I realized just how distraught everyone was, people who I would've never imagined ever attending my wedding. And I thought, "wow, a lot of people really care about me." And it occurred to me that if I died at that moment, I would die happy because I felt loved.
It was now almost 5 am, and it hit me. "I don't wanna die," I said as I laid there with the light still on. I don't wanna die, not because life is awesome and I wanna grow old and live a happy life. But because I don't want anyone to mourn over my death. I don't want to cause anyone any pain or suffering because silly-ol-me died a premature death. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just think that many people would be affected by my death, who knows. I wouldn't be around to find out anyways...
I don't even know where this is going so I'm just going to end on a lighter note.
I just received a promotion at dillon's this week, so you will now be able to find me in "the cage" aka customer service.
Hit me up.