on letting go.

It's weird how sometimes you just can't let go. The memories you just can't shake, the ones you will probably remember until it drives you up a fucking wall trying to forget. The good times. The bad times. I find myself caught in this web of memories, wrapped up in what it used to be. What used to be my life. Who I used to be. Who my friends were. The way things were. It doesn't help that my photographic memory paints every picture so clear for me to replay over and over like a movie that never gets old. It doesn't help that I have at least 7 hours a day to kill at work to live inside these memories. Not that I'm not content with the way things are now. Things will just never be the way they used to. I guess you could say I'm not a fan of change. Never have been. Probably never will. I like my comfort zone to remain the same unless some changes need to be made.
Some memories I would like to forget, but if I did then I would be forgetting who I am and what is that brings me to where I am today.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret so I will not forget.
I will not forget how this felt one year, six months ago.
I know I cannot forget.
I cannot forget.

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do.
Follow me there, a beautiful somewhere.
A place that I can share with you.

I can tell that you don't know me anymore.
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget.
And being on this road is anything but sure.
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget.

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do.
Follow me there, a beautiful somewhere.
A place that I can share with you.

So many nights, legs tangled tight.
Wrap me up in a dream with you.
Close up these eyes, try not to cry.
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you.

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do.
Follow me there, a beautiful somewhere.
A place that we can share.
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do.

So I've been sick for the past couple of days...definitely not fun. I'm on some hardcore amoxicillin and hydrocodeine so I'm feel a little down and out.
I've realized I've been listening to copeland a lot more again lately...don't know what brought that up. I used to listen to them all the time like sophomore year when there was a certain someone I had fallen for. It reminded me of the time we shared. That's definitely not the case now. Oh well. Pointless observations.
KU won again last night! Go Jayhawks! That puts them at 14-4, not too shabby!
God, I cannot wait for college football to start already...

always for you

In the air I flew,
through the clouds I fall,
through the country I've walked,
tn front of temples I've stood,
before the ocean I pray...and I said your name.

In the air I flew,
through the clouds I fall.
And all the things I've tried to say
were never easy to explain.
They were always meant for you.

And all the memories that were made.
For years and years I've chased this day.
They were always for you.

In the air I breath,
through the clouds I see,
through the cities I've walked,
in the castles I dreamed,
on the mountain I climbed when I called your name.

In the air I flew,
through the clouds I fell,
and all the things I've tried to change
were never easy to contain.
They were always meant for you.

And all the memories will never fade.
For years and years in my heart you'll stay.
It was always for you.

And all the pieces that remain,
they will build a place for us to stay.
They were always meant for you.

And all the chances that we take.
For years and years we'll have this place.
It was always for you.
Always for you.

hard candy.

So it's hard for me to admit I'm wrong, to admit guilt, and to admit defeat. Those three things I cannot do with ease. My whole life, it's just been that way for some reason.
I didn't just have some big epiphany or anything, I've known this for a while.
And now...it's hard for me to admit that I'm admitting to all three at once.
I admit was wrong about someone. Very wrong. I thought you were someone you're obviosuly not. And I'm sure everyone else thought likewise...not that they had any reason not to. You made everyone believe your lies, including yourself.
I admit I feel guilty for what I did. Not that you wouldn't have done it, but I just didn't want it to be this way. It really wasn't a big deal, or so I thought, at the time. You really got inside my head and I don't know how.
I admit defeat because it looks like you turned the tables on me and now I've fallen for this bear trap hidden behind the rose bushes. You can go ahead and let me go know.

I swear indifference will be the end of me.

when what you get is just that.

together in our finest moments; forever apart.
what have we left but to be left alone?
don't you know that a dead man gets no last wish?
that to have hope would only end in disappointment.
still he wished he felt alive.
in his last days he wrote a letter.
a letter that would never be sent; she would never know.
she waited, but he never came.
and on her gravestone, engraved:

"You promised me the world and all I got was half a block."