mix tape

Sometimes it's the simple things in life that make me the happiest. Listening to a good album I haven't heard in a long time is up there with one of my favorite things. It's like re-discovering and falling in love with that entire album all over again. It's like I can travel back in time to that moment when I first fell in love with this album and I can remember everything about my life at that exact time in my life. Armor For Sleep's "What to do When You Are Dead" always reminds me of going to warped tour for the first time, Silverstein's "When Broken is Easily Fixed" reminds me of sitting in biology class next to Anh listening to our Sony Walkmans, Copeland's "Beneath Medicine Tree" reminds me of a time when I was totally infatuated with Ashley Taylor and everything happened as a result of that. These are just a few but I literally can name a memory for every album I used to listen to back in high school.
Driving around for no reason and listening to music is also on the list of things that make me happiest. Combine driving and listening to a CD that brings back memories and you're in for a doosy. Feelings of nostalgia return from a time when driving around with the stereo cranked as high as it would go--without blowing the speakers, of course--blaring that CD and screaming the words along to it like nothing else mattered...and it didn't. For that time, in that moment, alone or not, nothing else truely mattered. Not your college exams, not the fights you keep having your parents, not the bills you've neglected to pay, global warming--totally real, BTW--...what have you. I would throw my phone in the backseat and drive for hours because moments like these are too precious to allow any interuptions. Stop lights? Fuck 'em. Someone pulls up next to me and I'm gonna keep on rockin' out because they don't matter and I could care less if anyone thinks I'm crazy.
This makes me happy. I like writing things down even if they aren't what everyone would really want to read. Sometimes I feel like people expect me to piss excellence when I'm writing something...so it's nice to just write for the sake of writing.
I guess the only reason I'm updating is because I was listening to Brand New's "Your Favorite Weapon" and I just felt compelled to tell the world how I felt about it and I kind of got lost in that whole mix.
Have a good day.

tweet tweet!

So I've joined the bandwagon of all bandwagons by creating a twitter account just this weekend. My joining this revolution has already stirred up many arguements, cat-calling, and some down-right nasty things have been said. It's okay though, now that that's all said and done with I can get on with my "tweeting" and you can all follow me on www.twitter.com/giantswan -- I know there's a way to get it on my blogger but I haven't taken the time to figure that out yet, so until then, if you would like to, you can visit my twitter page and see what randomness I'm up to on a daily basis. I'm only suggesting this because I can update that from my phone so it will be a lot more current than my blog--as you can see it's been 2 weeks since my last update--and probably more entertaining.
This is good for me I think so I don't waste your time with random posts on here anymore and I can sort things out a bit.
So be looking forward to that...or not.

the company, the comfort, the grave...

Things have a funny of working themselves out, and by things I mean the truth. The truth that most people seem to neglect or forget. Maybe not on purpose, but it happens, and one day it comes crawling out from the depths of the cracks in the pavement --or wherever it is 'truth' hides-- and hits you in the face the way a louisville slugger would destroy a jack-o-lantern on Halloween. The truth finally knocks everything into perspective.

Someday, in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them...sometimes this includes me.

You realize your place in life and your place in everyone else's lives. You realize that maybe you aren't who you thought you were and maybe you aren't who you thought you were to everyone else. It's a little shocking, overwhelming really. You'd be surprised at how much you realize once it hits you. You realize that maybe you aren't the glue that was holding everyone together and that you aren't the reason that someone wakes up every morning. Maybe, just maybe, you aren't as cool as you thought you were...or maybe you aren't as irreplaceable as you thought you were. You start to realize all these things and you think, "Wow, I was so wrong about a lot of things." Congratulations. Admitting you were wrong is just the first step. Admitting to yourself that these aren't just crazed thoughts pouring from the walls of your insides due to severe paranoia. These are just facts. Facts can't be proven wrong. These are things you pick up on a daily basis. A simple gesture can tell you everything you need to know about your relationship with someone. You see it all the time, the question is: "Do you notice? Do you ever take the time to think about how you might change someone's day by simply smiling at them?" It's true. Try it sometime, you might feel like you did something good for once.

I sometimes feel like a dog. Dogs are always happy to meet new faces. Dogs trust way too easily and give their love and friendship without asking for a whole lot back. Dogs run around having casual sex with different partners and don't really make the effort to take their partner out on an official date. Sometimes dogs get put outside in the cold though. But as soon as you let them back in, they're just as happy as ever to see you...and it shouldn't be that way. Dogs should bite back and bark, "Fuck you asshole, it's cold outside and I get lonely too!"

I feel like I'm too nice sometimes. Not that being nice is a bad thing, I could just be more of a dick sometimes so people don't think I've gone soft and try to walk all over me like it's been happening oh-so-frequently as of late. I hardly ever get to be myself...my true self. People need to realize that I have feelings too and that they get hurt, whether or not I show it or let you know. People need to realize that I am taking the time out of my day to spend it with them. Don't think I have a big head or anything, I don't think that anyone should take that for granted. Too many people take spending time together for granted. I mean, I could be doing a dozen other things but I'm not...I'm here with you so, for my sake, at least pretend to be happy so I don't feel like I'm just hanging around for no reason.

I've been trying this thing lately where I hang out with all my friends, sort of evenly distributing myself amongst my friends--well, the ones I have left in town that will actually take time out of their day to spend it with me--just so that they see me less often and maybe, just maybe, they'll be a little more excited to hang out instead of seeing me everyday, 24/7 and just get used to me being around. Maybe they'll call me more often than I have to call them when I want to see them. --Like that's really gonna happen--I've conditioned people to me always being the one following everyone around. It's kinda like marriage...after the first year there's nothing new to talk about. So what's the point?

What's the point? No one reads this anyways.

I hate to be the only one having these kinds of epiphanies. I feel it would do people some good to realize things before it's too late to change anything.