Things have a funny of working themselves out, and by things I mean the truth. The truth that most people seem to neglect or forget. Maybe not on purpose, but it happens, and one day it comes crawling out from the depths of the cracks in the pavement --or wherever it is 'truth' hides-- and hits you in the face the way a louisville slugger would destroy a jack-o-lantern on Halloween. The truth finally knocks everything into perspective.
Someday, in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, thousands of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them...sometimes this includes me.
You realize your place in life and your place in everyone else's lives. You realize that maybe you aren't who you thought you were and maybe you aren't who you thought you were to everyone else. It's a little shocking, overwhelming really. You'd be surprised at how much you realize once it hits you. You realize that maybe you aren't the glue that was holding everyone together and that you aren't the reason that someone wakes up every morning. Maybe, just maybe, you aren't as cool as you thought you were...or maybe you aren't as irreplaceable as you thought you were. You start to realize all these things and you think, "Wow, I was so wrong about a lot of things." Congratulations. Admitting you were wrong is just the first step. Admitting to yourself that these aren't just crazed thoughts pouring from the walls of your insides due to severe paranoia. These are just facts. Facts can't be proven wrong. These are things you pick up on a daily basis. A simple gesture can tell you everything you need to know about your relationship with someone. You see it all the time, the question is: "Do you notice? Do you ever take the time to think about how you might change someone's day by simply smiling at them?" It's true. Try it sometime, you might feel like you did something good for once.
I sometimes feel like a dog. Dogs are always happy to meet new faces. Dogs trust way too easily and give their love and friendship without asking for a whole lot back. Dogs run around having casual sex with different partners and don't really make the effort to take their partner out on an official date. Sometimes dogs get put outside in the cold though. But as soon as you let them back in, they're just as happy as ever to see you...and it shouldn't be that way. Dogs should bite back and bark, "Fuck you asshole, it's cold outside and I get lonely too!"
I feel like I'm too nice sometimes. Not that being nice is a bad thing, I could just be more of a dick sometimes so people don't think I've gone soft and try to walk all over me like it's been happening oh-so-frequently as of late. I hardly ever get to be myself...my true self. People need to realize that I have feelings too and that they get hurt, whether or not I show it or let you know. People need to realize that I am taking the time out of my day to spend it with them. Don't think I have a big head or anything, I don't think that anyone should take that for granted. Too many people take spending time together for granted. I mean, I could be doing a dozen other things but I'm not...I'm here with you so, for my sake, at least pretend to be happy so I don't feel like I'm just hanging around for no reason.
I've been trying this thing lately where I hang out with all my friends, sort of evenly distributing myself amongst my friends--well, the ones I have left in town that will actually take time out of their day to spend it with me--just so that they see me less often and maybe, just maybe, they'll be a little more excited to hang out instead of seeing me everyday, 24/7 and just get used to me being around. Maybe they'll call me more often than I have to call them when I want to see them. --Like that's really gonna happen--I've conditioned people to me always being the one following everyone around. It's kinda like marriage...after the first year there's nothing new to talk about. So what's the point?
What's the point? No one reads this anyways.
I hate to be the only one having these kinds of epiphanies. I feel it would do people some good to realize things before it's too late to change anything.
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6 comments:
This was good.
thanks, whoever you are.
I miss the days of blogging and writing inner thoughts down. I miss you bro. We'll have some good times this summer.
No doubt man. We need kick it old school style for sure.
It's too often I feel that instead of a dog that is put in the cold, then let back in. I instead put people in the cold and call upon them when lonely falls off the shelf. I feel that in my bubbly, out-going, friends with everyone personality- I really don't have any friends except for a few- less than a hand full. However, like the dog in us all- it is nice to have someone excited to see our face.
Yeah I definitely play both roles also. Everyone neglects certain friends and call on them when they're feeling lonely, or when no one else will keep them company. It's sad to think that you're almost just using them because no one else was available.
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