Have you ever had one of those dreams that you wake up from and actually have to realize that you were just dreaming? I'm talking like you really thought you were living this dream, and that this was your life. Not just that, but upon waking and realizing it was just a fantasy you feel like you were just robbed of everything you ever wanted that you wish you would have never woken up. I just had that happen this morning. Well, the entire dream didn't revolve around it but most of what I can remember did.
It starts out when me and brian are at work (even though this place didn't look like tyson) and one of the chains broke that go throughout the entire plant, so we got to go home early. Pretty sweet start to this dream, because I've always heard of tyson getting out early on several occasions due to machinery malfunction but it has yet to happen to me thus far in my 3 months.
So I'm off work, got the entire to do whatever I want. It's friday, no class, no worries, no work all weekend...I had it made, little did I know things were about to get real serious real fast. But in a good way.
I came home, but not my actual house (I guess I got my own place, well, it was our place). I walk in and see my beautiful girlfriend (who for aesthetic reasons shall name Clementine, cheesy I know...but there's a story behind that that no one would know besides me). Me dreaming this was like watching it as a TV sitcom because I felt all the emotions I would have felt had I just found this out (whoa, I have a girlfriend? when did I get this sweet crib?), but the me in my dream was just livin' the dream.
I was the happiest person alive, we were the cutest couple. It was like on The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when he's going through all his favorite memories with Clementine, even with all the weird cut-scenes going on. It was like a picture perfect movie, and we were the stars.
I couldn't stop thinking about this at work today for some reason, and it made me sad because I used to have the biggest crush on this girl. That's how real this dream felt. I've had dreams before where I'm with someone and we're having fun and stuff, but none of them hurt so much to wake up from as this one did.
I really wish I could tivo my dreams and play this one every night for the rest of my life. Because I want to be me in that dream. I want to be as happy I am with that person, strangely enough.
Call me weird for saying that...but it is what it is.
I guess the other reason I posted this was because today at work the chain actually did brake...but we didn't get to go home. We just stopped for about 20 minutes, which is kind of like a 3rd break, so I guess my dream was at least right about one thing happening...maybe dreams do come true.
Nah...who am I kidding?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
[Day one]
Asleep mid-sentence--the words fell apart.
No one is listening anyway.
This day will soon turn to black and my "wants and needs" will spill on my burning ashes.
I learned to be selfish today...I learned to be alive.
These things I care for are for my personal gain and my person happiness only.
Why should I sit in your chair and satisfy your standards?
I've done it all before and I've confused myself a thousand times.
The tragic day that I call morality just doesn't do it for me anymore.
No more choices, just standing in the cold.
The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died.
Asleep mid-sentence--my words fall to the ground.
Swept into this dreamland.
Economic satisfaction; never succeed.
But happiness has its place.
Justice will not lie in your corner.
New day towards death, only compassion for my own needs make my need necessary.
[Day two]
Throw myself in the corner; I have nothing to complain about here.
A tragic day seems too peaceful to most, spoiled ambitions turned my heart to black.
I'm figuring out this realization process--the process to never look upon bitter ground.
Living dreams, loving dreams awakening to what I've always dreamt of.
The familiar sound of the lovely laugh from the love of my life will keep the notes coming.
Asleep mid-sentence--the words fell apart.
No one is listening anyway.
This day will soon turn to black and my "wants and needs" will spill on my burning ashes.
I learned to be selfish today...I learned to be alive.
These things I care for are for my personal gain and my person happiness only.
Why should I sit in your chair and satisfy your standards?
I've done it all before and I've confused myself a thousand times.
The tragic day that I call morality just doesn't do it for me anymore.
No more choices, just standing in the cold.
The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died.
Asleep mid-sentence--my words fall to the ground.
Swept into this dreamland.
Economic satisfaction; never succeed.
But happiness has its place.
Justice will not lie in your corner.
New day towards death, only compassion for my own needs make my need necessary.
[Day two]
Throw myself in the corner; I have nothing to complain about here.
A tragic day seems too peaceful to most, spoiled ambitions turned my heart to black.
I'm figuring out this realization process--the process to never look upon bitter ground.
Living dreams, loving dreams awakening to what I've always dreamt of.
The familiar sound of the lovely laugh from the love of my life will keep the notes coming.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
11:35 P.M.
Your dead things are locked up inside.
Blow smoke rings straight back in time,
like roses floating out with the tide.
Dance and sing under gunfire;
open wings slowly take flight...
Around these parts a fly can live--
A fly can live a thousand years;
but a man cannot die soon enough, true enough.
A smiling drunk nursing a glass of milk.
A girl with a face like prison bread.
Over the kitchen noise I hear them howl at me.
A scabby ketchup bottle and a two-dollar bill.
I guess its time to pay the bill, but you know I never will.
I'm hungry still...
Mercy killing on the way.
Never thought I'd hear you say--
Falling to your knees and praying now...
In this crowded place I could swing a cat and not even hit a soul...
It's just the lonely vacuum of human black holes.
And I'm as dry as these thirsty trees, with big city thoughts
in the dirty breeze...promising to set me free.
"Waiter, check please..."
Blow smoke rings straight back in time,
like roses floating out with the tide.
Dance and sing under gunfire;
open wings slowly take flight...
Around these parts a fly can live--
A fly can live a thousand years;
but a man cannot die soon enough, true enough.
A smiling drunk nursing a glass of milk.
A girl with a face like prison bread.
Over the kitchen noise I hear them howl at me.
A scabby ketchup bottle and a two-dollar bill.
I guess its time to pay the bill, but you know I never will.
I'm hungry still...
Mercy killing on the way.
Never thought I'd hear you say--
Falling to your knees and praying now...
In this crowded place I could swing a cat and not even hit a soul...
It's just the lonely vacuum of human black holes.
And I'm as dry as these thirsty trees, with big city thoughts
in the dirty breeze...promising to set me free.
"Waiter, check please..."
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
there was fog rolling in through the forested hilltops.
desolate and renounced, this is no place to hide and seek.
they were bound to lose each other while remaining stitched at the seam.
a river flowed so abound with pines that routed it through the valley.
the sound of the stream emptying into itself led us here.
what brought you back to this place?
desolate and renounced, this is no place to hide and seek.
they were bound to lose each other while remaining stitched at the seam.
a river flowed so abound with pines that routed it through the valley.
the sound of the stream emptying into itself led us here.
what brought you back to this place?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
uniformity brings comfort to those who'd rather not oppose the cause.
it's just not a fight worth fighting.
let the dead bury their own dead.
it's not worth dying for.
marching in crooked lines, smiling through crooked teeth.
we serve as a unit to make up the whole.
like tiny strands of thread that weave tightly to stitch an open wound.
infecting even the skin of any who stand in the way.
a flawless design doesn't live according to boundaries.
we've established a better way of life.
homeland security.
picket fences.
a "stable" economy.
an overlooked society.
firm handshakes.
you will live a better life should you join us.
it's just not a fight worth fighting.
let the dead bury their own dead.
it's not worth dying for.
marching in crooked lines, smiling through crooked teeth.
we serve as a unit to make up the whole.
like tiny strands of thread that weave tightly to stitch an open wound.
infecting even the skin of any who stand in the way.
a flawless design doesn't live according to boundaries.
we've established a better way of life.
homeland security.
picket fences.
a "stable" economy.
an overlooked society.
firm handshakes.
you will live a better life should you join us.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Being Ben Affleck
So I forgot to note that I've been having this weird reoccurring dream ever since the first night I was placed in holding. I guess it's only a short part of the entire dream that keeps happening, but it seems like a movie I've watched over and over again. Almost like deja vu. This scene only lasts maybe a couple minutes but I'll try to describe it as best as I can.
So the setting is a truck stop and I'm in a movie, not like on the set of a movie, but a scene from a movie because I jump into character and I realize, "oh shit, this is a thriller."
I jump into the skin of Ben Affleck and I'm walking alongside Morgan Freeman. We are walking down this hall that leads to the bathrooms at a truck stop. The wall on the right side is essentially a big window, made of plexi-glass or something. As we're walking down the hall I start to think, "I've been here before...something is about to happen." And as I think this, the plexi-glass starts cracking in a web-like manner, moving at the same speed as we walk down this hall.
Morgan Freeman seems to be stuck in this movie role and doesn't acknowledge this strange happening, or maybe it's only happening to me because I'm trying to be sucked out of this movie and everything starts to crumple as if the dream is about to end.
Suddenly, we turn the corner and there is an explosion behind us that sends us flying for about 10 feet and we fall flat on our faces. We notice a man that is severely wounded sitting up against the door to the men's restroom. Infront of him is a brown paper bag with a post-it note attached to it that read, "PUSH".
As soon as I reach inside to grab the contents of this bag, I'm thrown out of this movie-like setting and end up in Cody Schaffer's old room, sitting next to him on his couch. I pull out what looks like 3 big pieces of dark fudge cake. Cody looks at me and says, "Dude, where'd you get that black-tar heroin?" I tell him, "I just found it at the truck stop, it had a note attached that read, 'PUSH'." He replies, "Oh shit dude! You know how much money you're going to make selling that? Like at least $2000 man...you're fucking rich!"
Right as he finishes his sentence, the GCPD SWAT team (not that we have one) bursts into the room, through the door, bathroom, window, from underneath the bed and from inside the closet. "You fuckin set me up!" is the only thing I say before I wake up.
So the setting is a truck stop and I'm in a movie, not like on the set of a movie, but a scene from a movie because I jump into character and I realize, "oh shit, this is a thriller."
I jump into the skin of Ben Affleck and I'm walking alongside Morgan Freeman. We are walking down this hall that leads to the bathrooms at a truck stop. The wall on the right side is essentially a big window, made of plexi-glass or something. As we're walking down the hall I start to think, "I've been here before...something is about to happen." And as I think this, the plexi-glass starts cracking in a web-like manner, moving at the same speed as we walk down this hall.
Morgan Freeman seems to be stuck in this movie role and doesn't acknowledge this strange happening, or maybe it's only happening to me because I'm trying to be sucked out of this movie and everything starts to crumple as if the dream is about to end.
Suddenly, we turn the corner and there is an explosion behind us that sends us flying for about 10 feet and we fall flat on our faces. We notice a man that is severely wounded sitting up against the door to the men's restroom. Infront of him is a brown paper bag with a post-it note attached to it that read, "PUSH".
As soon as I reach inside to grab the contents of this bag, I'm thrown out of this movie-like setting and end up in Cody Schaffer's old room, sitting next to him on his couch. I pull out what looks like 3 big pieces of dark fudge cake. Cody looks at me and says, "Dude, where'd you get that black-tar heroin?" I tell him, "I just found it at the truck stop, it had a note attached that read, 'PUSH'." He replies, "Oh shit dude! You know how much money you're going to make selling that? Like at least $2000 man...you're fucking rich!"
Right as he finishes his sentence, the GCPD SWAT team (not that we have one) bursts into the room, through the door, bathroom, window, from underneath the bed and from inside the closet. "You fuckin set me up!" is the only thing I say before I wake up.
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