Why must all good things come to an end?

I've been thinking that since last weekend pretty much.
And I've yet to come up with a reasonable answer, except that everything and everyone must move on at some point in life.
There are those who move on and those who are left behind.
I'm usually the one left behind, and I'm ready to be the one to move on.

Am I a monster when I sink my teeth into her when I don't love her?
No, I don't love you.
Forgive me darling, but love has nothing to do with this
It has nothing to do with how I can't stop until I get what I want from you.

This is what real men keep quiet.
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth
and sleep at night next to your wife,
who you love too much to tell her you don't love her at all.

I just feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting in the womb.
Do you feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting to come into this world,
where being beautiful means being used?

And how long will we blame the devils on our shoulders,
and pose like angels on the outside?
When all I am is a monster...all I am is a monster.

This is what real men keep quiet.
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth and sleep at night.

It's a long walk to the top of the world.
But once you get there you'll find that you're all alone.

-Continued...

I had this exact thought etched in my mind the other day when I posted but I thought about how you could take it both ways, or maybe both ways mean the same thing really.
Being at the top of the world as in stardom and being rich and famous isn't really all it's cut out to be. Everyone idolizes you and would like nothing more than to get to meet you and have you sign your name on a piece of paper, as if your handwriting were any better than theirs. They don't look at you as a regular human being, therefore friendship is hard to find amongst "peasants" (not that non-famous people are inferior to famous people). But let's face it, there's no way britney spears is going to hang out with a bunch of her fans because it would be so awkward for her to be sitting around with a bunch of people who worship the ground she walks on and expect an authentic friendship out of them.
At the same time, literally being at the top of the world (which would be mount everest) is a very lonely place because there's nobody else up there. So even though you've worked so hard to get to climb this mountain, you might have a few people along with you for support but in the end you really have no one that you're close to. Sure, these people followed you up to the top of a mountain, but as soon as you climb down it you probably won't be too close with those same people because for all you know, they were just in it for the ride.
I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it makes perfect sense to me.

All is well in my neighborhood, I have nothing to worry about. Until I stop to think, is that really a good thing? At this stage in my life you'd think I have something that I worry about. Everyone has something or someone they worry about. Maybe everything I do has become so nonchalant that I've become so used to feeling like a little kid again. Have I really regressed and lost all sense of responsibility?
I've become very disinterested with showing enthusiasm at work, I'm just over it. Nothing seems to strike my attention anymore, I've grown weary with my surroundings.
I need something to keep me motivated, something that'll spark my interest and give me the fuel I need to drive this train right up the ass of anyone that stands in my way.
It's settled. I need to get back in school. I've had a little too much fun, and to be quite honest I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

You can't stop the race.
People moving in place.
Running a crooked path from place to place to place.
Paved in gold.
The chords from which we hang, weaken everyday.
They beg for strength, but they are blessed by our blade.
Questions on our minds, buildings on the rise.
Diamonds, instead of our eyes and corporate fights.

O' busy, busy, bees walking to and from, what if we close our eyes?
What if we can't wake up?
I hope you all rest in peace.
I hope you find what your looking for.
But if that is all that you got, well, there's got to be more.

They lay carpet that's made of red and we walk paths made of gold
but we are blind just past the nose on this tree covered earth.
Can we disappear from all we got?
We are scattered on God's grace but we are a drip,
we are a flash, we are a mist, we are a speck.
...But we got time.

Not much new around this neck of the woods.
I was sick all weekend so that put a damper on things.
Prom was saturday for all the high school cats.
Brian's birthday was also saturday, but I didn't really have the best time due to the fact that I was still running a fever.
Work, work, work.
It's getting harder.

Tis the week of spring break, well for those who have spring break. My life remains quite tedious and monotonous, but I'm enjoying it. I don't necessarily hate working everyday, because to be completely honest with you, I love my job. I like the people I work with (most of them anyways). It's great. But I'm pretty sure if weren't for the people I work with I would've probably quit like a year and a half ago, cause it's not the most exciting job. But we make it fun.
Anyways...yesterday was st. patty's day and I was ready to celebrate after a long day of work. There was seriously like 4 parties going on, and I made sure to hit each and every one of them up before the night was over. But of course, leave it to me to not own any green shirts so I had to make a quick trip to walmart the night before to get this hat, except in green of course.

It was tight.
I had a blast, but of course the night must come to an end at some point...like around 5ish. I worked 12-4 for some girl who called in sick and now I have to go back at 6:30 and work til 10.
Good grief.

Jigaboo Canoe

This weekend was really kind of disappointing, but at the same time really fun. Friday night I hung out with Brian and Luke all afternoon and played poker at Luke's while Brian finished doing some laundry. Afterwards (at around 10) I went to Zach's apartment, but he was out of town so it was just the regular dudes hangin' out.
Saturday I had to work 1-6, then I went to Brian's. We ordered those new pizza mia's from pizza hut, they were pretty good for $5. We had a few friends stop by and played a couple drinking games before some of us went to Irma's toga party. We obviously weren't wearing togas because it was like 20 degrees out, are you kidding me? So as we were walkin up to the place I noticed there was like 25-30 african-american males just standing outside in the yard/driveway. "Man they aint gon' let you in like dat boi!" said the negro. "Yeah man, no toga no party man!" said the other fair-skinned negro. "Uh, okay well I'm the guest of honor...watch me," I said right before I just opened the door and walked in with 4 of my friends right behind me, shutting the door after the last one had entered. Just like that. Apparently they didn't want black people at their party. Racist? Maybe. Understandable? Yes. The only thing is that right as we walked in we were pretty much stuck because this place had exceeded the number of people unfortunate enough to be crammed into an apartment this size. Pretty sure it was a big-time fire hazard. So we didn't stick around for more than 15 minutes, if that. This party had "busted" written all over it, and I didn't see one person in sight drinking (later I found out that the keg was downstairs with about 5 people doing keg stands, 1 of whom was Jon U...go figure). Which makes no sense, why would there only be 5 people hanging out by the keg at a kegger? I'm utterly perplexed, but at the same time I didn't really care, I just wanted to get out of there. So we went back to Brian's after being gone for a whole 20 mins, and we actually ended up having a little party over there, I had a lot of fun. I got to see a bunch of kids I hadn't seen in a while so that was good.
I didn't go home until pretty much 5:30 a.m. and I slept until 2 p.m. Then I watched Stuck On You but I fell asleep watching that too so I slept until about 4 p.m. which gave me just enough time to shower before work at 5.
Irma called in to work today, so I didn't get off at 10 like I was supposed to. I ended up staying till 12 because I felt obligated to cover for her. At work I found out that that the gang of jigaboos (blacks) had migrated over to Zach's apartment because the usual people were back over there hangin out and whatnot. Well, one of these nig-nogs stole Zach's iPod when they took out...and they wonder why they aren't welcome in groups larger than 3 in most people's homes.
And now I have to be at work in 8 hours.
Sweet Jesus.
I am not racist btw...I just like racial slurs.

"Want a beer for the shower?"

Wow, I cannot believe it's been 3 weeks since I've had an update for all ya'll (like all 3 people that read this).
Well let me tell you, I have been having the time of my life. Last Tuesday Dilly and I made our way to topeka to hang out with all those crazy cool Topeka cats. We had such a good time no thanks to Lane's dad, who by the way is an asshole, and Lane proved to be more of an acoholic than I had previously preceived him to be...it was funny though. "Do you guys want a beer for the shower?" Classic. I'll never forget it.
-Tuesday: Dylan, Lane, Peter, and yours truely went to the take action tour and saw Every Time I Die, From First to Last, The Bled, August Burns Red and The Human Abstract (except we showed up right as August Burns Red played so we missed The Human Abstract). It was seriously amazing. I wish I hadn't forgotten my camera in my car, I could've had some sweet youtube eye candy for you.
-Wednesday: thought about watching American Gangster but we decided to party it up instead. I don't remember a whole lot of Wednesday, sorry.
-Thursday: We woke up really late and went out to eat some Taco Bell and then dropped Lane off at home (cause he has a vagina) and Dylan and myself went to see Darkest Hour, Emmure and a couple other shitty bands. We missed Emmure though, we kinda showed up late to that as well.
-Friday: The 3 of us went over to Chris Stringer's, Tony and 2 other guys (whose names I forget) house and play some xbox and we went to a couple car dealerships because Dylan is trying to find a new car. Michelle came and hung out with us so I was pretty stoked to get to see her again. We all went to Josh Sauer's apartment in Lawrence and played rock band and drank summer brew. Lane got sooo wasted, he ended up puking in Josh's bed. I felt so bad...but I got over it and we went to Stake 'n Shake and some guy talked shit to one of Lane's friends and there was almost a fight and the cops came like within a minute. Ridiculous. We were cool though cause niggas aint shit and we didn't do anything wrong. We all made it back to Chris' house and didn't get to bed until after 6 am.
-Saturday: Didn't wake up until about 2 pm, which is an hour after the time I had set to leave Topeka. The day dragged on and we didn't leave until 5:30 cause we also had to drive across town to give Lane his car charger. About an hour after left we noticed there were snowflakes falling and we both thought, "Oh it's drizzling. It'll pass in about 10 minutes." Wrong. We ended up driving through the worst snowstorm I've ever had to drive through in my almost short-lived life. We pulled over at this gas station in Enterprise after we realized that this was getting pretty serious. We watched the weather channel for about 20 minutes because god forbid they should show what's going on in our area after they play a special series on hurricanes. The storm freakin covered all of Kansas pretty much except southwest Kansas. "Great." We got back on the road, but were reduced to mear slugs by mother nature, going no more than 30 (40 when I was feelin' a little ballsy) for about what would've been 3 hours of the trip had we been going the speed limit. After we got to Jetmore, the roads were pretty clear so we went fast to make up for lost time. We didn't get back until roughly 1:30 am. So we were basically on the road for about 8 hours. Radical. I dropped Dylan off and went to Bobby Beck's for Meredith/Jon U's birthday party (which I guess started at Matt Sondags and somehow just migrated to Bobby's. Crashed at Brian's at around 6 am.
-Sunday: Went to work from 12 pm - 9pm. Hung out with Jon U and the guys at Zach's afterwards since it was officially Jon's bday.
-Monday (Today): Worked 7 am - 4 pm. Got a haircut after work, I don't know if I like it yet. Played some pool with Jon and Jay at the student center then hung out at Zach's.

I know most of that doesn't sound like anything worth going into such detail about, but I loved every second of it. Minus going back to work after a much needed vacation.

"What's the other guy look like?"

No update for a whole week?!
That's right, my life is slowly becoming that which I dread the most. I have fallen into the daily grind, except it's not like your average daily grind because it's a little more inconsistant than what you'd expect, making it that much more aggrivating. I work a good 8-10 hours 6 days a week, not always the same shifts either. Hell I'll be lucky to have the same shift twice in one week.
Aside from work, I've really just been hangin out and layin' low...trying to keep in contact with friends and such but not really going out every night. For example, today I worked 7-5 and I'm probably gonna go to bed at 7 or 8 cause I have work at 2 a.m. tomorrow...ridiculous right?
I'm basically just anticipating mine and dylan's first road trip of the year...and it's gonna be a good one, let me tell you. 5 days, count 'em, 5...of unprecidented madness. 2 concerts, hittin' up topeka, manhattan, lawrence and kansas city. Oh it's gonna be freakin' sweet. I got my ore ready for the trip, it actually hasn't left my car since the last.
Well I'm basically just letting ya'll know I'm still alive and well.
I got really drunk and decided to fight michael bazan on friday, and I got a bit of a shiner and a little cut on my cheek...haha everyone is so surprised that I fought someone I work with, especially since we're friends and all.
Okay and remember how I quit smoking? Well I kinda had 1 the other day...yikes, I know. But I basically just did because I thought, how will I know if I really don't want to smoke anymore? Well let's try it and see what it's like. Thanks, but no thanks. I was right about quitting and they just don't appeal to me anymore.
I mean, I might have one sparingly from here on out but seriously...I used to smoke a pack in 2 days, so MAJOR improvement.
I'm also getting back into reading more books.
It freakin' snowed so much today, and it's supposed to keep snowing all day...fuck.
Take care, love life.