This could go one of two ways...just saying.
It's been a long time since I've sat down and written so much as a goddamn predicate that I don't even feel familiar with the concept of writing things down as they come to me. I always seem to take long breaks from writing in hope to come back to it with something to offer, maybe something worth writing. You can only fall off a horse so many times before you don't want to get back on it. Maybe I just need to not be so hesitant when I start writing. I always trouble myself with the thought of, "who would want to read any of this?" Only to surprise myself with how many people actually ask me why I haven't written anything in a while. Like they've been expecting something from me. First of all, don't expect anything from me. I WILL let you down. Kidding. I just need to clear my head of any outside influence. Because in the end I'm not writing this for you. I'm not even writing this for me. I'm writing this because it's the only thing I can do.
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I've been an insomniac for the better part of two years now and I only have myself to blame for that. But this is different. As late as I've stayed up these last two years I never had any problems actually falling asleep once I layed my head down to rest. I would sleep until three or four in the afternoon if I could. Last night I fell asleep on my bed, laying on my back with my guitar still laying ontop of me (I had my guitar strap on). Needless to say, I was tired. I put my guitar away and laid back down and fell asleep pretty quickly but I woke up roughly every hour for no apparent reason.
I started playing my guitar again recently. I kind of just said, "fuck it" and started playing and started back at the basics. The main reason I was so unmotivated to play was because I didn't have an amp for the longest time, just my Fernandes. Then a girl was kind enough to give me her small practice amp that she had no use for. Granted, it's not the best amp. Okay it sucks. It really sucks and it's the main reason that after I got it and could make some sort of sound out of it, I continued to disregard my guitar because I felt like it wasn't even worth my time to play if I couldn't manipulate this amp to play the way I wanted it to. (#runonsentence) So on that note, I decided to buy an Orange 20 watt practice amp next month once I get my bonus. In the mean time, it's time to practice on this sorry excuse of an amp.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sticks & Bricks
I've been told by many people that I'm an asshole, and I get it. I know I'm an asshole. I'm at peace with this fact. I embrace my inner-asshole and let it out for air when need be. What gets me is, people always tell me I'm an asshole, not when I'm making fun of them but when I'm tearing someone's ego down with rude remarks. They say I'm an asshole, but they're laughing at the mean things I say. It's like they're laughing because they think I get some sort of pleasure and their laughter is acceptance and they want to be on my good grace, because they know just how condescending and blunt I can be. I feel like Regina George (Rachel McAdams) from Mean Girls with her posse that secretly hates her and wants to bring her down, but they remain loyally by her side at all times reminding her of how pretty and awesome she is, like she even needs to be reminded. She's a cold hearted bitch queen and she knows it. She, on the otherhand feeds off this negative energy that she puts off and loves to watch people squirm beneath her feet. I just can't help the way I am with words. I dig deep for the most hurtful things I could possibly say to people and I have them holstered, ready to rock at the slightest given chance that they double-cross me or make me look like a fool. I'll bring up the fact that they are the way they are because his or her mom walked out on their family to run off with some other guy because his or her father wasn't good enough, and that this reflects how much of a childhood they had.
Too much. This is how I feel though. I feel like most of my friends don't try to piss me off just because they know that if anyone is going to make someone cry because of how many fucked up, hurtful insults he can think of, it's going to be me. And I have a lot of dirt on my friends, which sucks for them.
Too much. This is how I feel though. I feel like most of my friends don't try to piss me off just because they know that if anyone is going to make someone cry because of how many fucked up, hurtful insults he can think of, it's going to be me. And I have a lot of dirt on my friends, which sucks for them.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Honeymoon is over.
There's some fucked up people in this world.
But honey, I aint one of 'em.
Call me crazy, but I can feel you in my mind.
You found a way tear down these walls.
You pulled me out of the wreck.
I saw the sparks ignite like the fire in your eyes.
We painted crooked lines but we danced in perfect time.
Beautiful day, you could hardly notice all the disease.
Everything was in its right place.
"Can we just slow down?
My head is spinning and I need some rest."
But we shouldn't slow down, not for them.
They will be the end of us.
Shunned by the angry justic mob, our own.
And everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.
We decorated the streets with the homeless and their whiskey bottles.
But I swore to you I loved you.
'Til death do us part, until the bitter end.
I promised you the world and all you got was half a block.
But honey, I aint one of 'em.
Call me crazy, but I can feel you in my mind.
You found a way tear down these walls.
You pulled me out of the wreck.
I saw the sparks ignite like the fire in your eyes.
We painted crooked lines but we danced in perfect time.
Beautiful day, you could hardly notice all the disease.
Everything was in its right place.
"Can we just slow down?
My head is spinning and I need some rest."
But we shouldn't slow down, not for them.
They will be the end of us.
Shunned by the angry justic mob, our own.
And everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.
We decorated the streets with the homeless and their whiskey bottles.
But I swore to you I loved you.
'Til death do us part, until the bitter end.
I promised you the world and all you got was half a block.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tightrope tragedy. (No no no no no...)
Didn't go to Kid CuDi after all. Not too disappointed about that. Work has become increasingly difficult for me to tolerate at times. Nothing worth noting. I've simply grown weary of the tedious work and all the negativity that surrounds that establishment. I did, however, just receive my raise so maybe once that kicks in my work just might pay off.
I feel like I need some time off to smell the roses. More like the dying trees. I just need to get my head back on my shoulders. I need to focus on what's best for me. Need to think clearly. I need to get out in the world. You're already out there. I need to experience different things.
I need someone in my life. Someone to give me some sort of purpose. Like a girlfriend or maybe a college professor. Someone to help me get my life back in order. Maybe I just have to figure it out for myself. It wouldn't hurt to at least try...
I feel like I need some time off to smell the roses. More like the dying trees. I just need to get my head back on my shoulders. I need to focus on what's best for me. Need to think clearly. I need to get out in the world. You're already out there. I need to experience different things.
I need someone in my life. Someone to give me some sort of purpose. Like a girlfriend or maybe a college professor. Someone to help me get my life back in order. Maybe I just have to figure it out for myself. It wouldn't hurt to at least try...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Kid Named CuDi
Last night I found out the hip-hop/r&b artist Kid CuDi will be performing at the Midland Theatre in Kansas City on October 18th. I wish I would have known sooner so that I could have requested the day off from work. Luckily today I a co-worker if I could trade shifts with her so I could attend she didn't really put up much of a fight and agreed to do so. I'm pretty excited about it. I know a lot of people who will be in attendance so it should be a really good time. I just don't have the money to buy a ticket when they go on sale tomorrow morning so I'll have to wait until next thursday when I get paid to order mine. Hopefully it's not sold out by then because the concert is four days after I plan on ordering it.
Next thursday is also the KU vs. K-State football game in Lawrence. Four Year Strong, Comeback Kid and The Wonder Years are also playing at the Granada that night. I'm having a really hard time deciding which one I'd rather be at. I don't have to pay to get into shows at the Granada so that would be a huge plus. I also know a lot of people who will be attending the show. I would, however, love to be at the football game because it'd be nice to see us pull off a victory against our in-state rivals K-State. I don't have a ticket for that and don't really plan on paying $50 for one. I'm hoping I can find a student ticket for $10. Basically that's what it's going to come down to. If I can find a cheap ticket for the game I'll probably go for at least the first half and then head over to the Granada for the rest of the show. Sounds like a great night.
After the show some of my friends who are attending are gathering at McKenzie's apartment. I would really like to go for a few reasons. I would love to hang out with some of my friends that will be there and there's this girl I also really want to hang out with. She's super cute. I've only met her once before but I would really like to get to know her. But...there's always a but.
Rachel Careathers is planning on coming up to Lawrence for the football game, so I'm going to be stuck with her for the majority of her stay in Lawrence. It would be hard/annoying to bring her with me everywhere I go, including to this after-party where I'm hoping to hang out with said cutie.
She also wants to come back for Halloween, just two weeks later. She was also up here two weekends in a row two weekends ago. I don't know what to think of it. I don't know if she just really likes me or if she's just using me to have a place to stay when she visits. She usually stays one night with me and one night some other guy she knows up here. I'm kind of apathetic to the whole situation. I thought I liked her a long time ago, but the more time I spend with her the more I want her to stop visiting. Not because I don't like her being around. She's fun and nice. I just don't like someone hanging around when I'm trying to go out.
Next thursday is also the KU vs. K-State football game in Lawrence. Four Year Strong, Comeback Kid and The Wonder Years are also playing at the Granada that night. I'm having a really hard time deciding which one I'd rather be at. I don't have to pay to get into shows at the Granada so that would be a huge plus. I also know a lot of people who will be attending the show. I would, however, love to be at the football game because it'd be nice to see us pull off a victory against our in-state rivals K-State. I don't have a ticket for that and don't really plan on paying $50 for one. I'm hoping I can find a student ticket for $10. Basically that's what it's going to come down to. If I can find a cheap ticket for the game I'll probably go for at least the first half and then head over to the Granada for the rest of the show. Sounds like a great night.
After the show some of my friends who are attending are gathering at McKenzie's apartment. I would really like to go for a few reasons. I would love to hang out with some of my friends that will be there and there's this girl I also really want to hang out with. She's super cute. I've only met her once before but I would really like to get to know her. But...there's always a but.
Rachel Careathers is planning on coming up to Lawrence for the football game, so I'm going to be stuck with her for the majority of her stay in Lawrence. It would be hard/annoying to bring her with me everywhere I go, including to this after-party where I'm hoping to hang out with said cutie.
She also wants to come back for Halloween, just two weeks later. She was also up here two weekends in a row two weekends ago. I don't know what to think of it. I don't know if she just really likes me or if she's just using me to have a place to stay when she visits. She usually stays one night with me and one night some other guy she knows up here. I'm kind of apathetic to the whole situation. I thought I liked her a long time ago, but the more time I spend with her the more I want her to stop visiting. Not because I don't like her being around. She's fun and nice. I just don't like someone hanging around when I'm trying to go out.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Lawrence Primal World
I suppose since it's been almost a year since I've posted an entry I could at least attempt to recap this last year.
I am still working at Walmart, though I grow weary of this establishment and the way it treats its employees, particularly myself. I've began the job-hunting process, though it is quite tedious and I am not one that is eager to seek employment elsewhere. Not that I wouldn't like to work some place else, I just hate change I guess. It's a terrible feeling knowing that you've become accustomed to being treated like shit but are still unwilling to do much about it. But I will, soon enough.
I live with Jon Urban as opposed to Brian and Madison. They were great roommates and much better at decorating their home than Jon and I. I guess it helps to have that feminine touch. I miss seeing them all the time but Jon's a pretty fun guy to be around unless he's black-out drunk, which, just so happens to be, most of the time. We live about a block north of the football stadium which is ideal if you're into that sort of thing. I really love the neighborhood we live in though. It's almost suburban in a way. Very quiet during the day time. Quiet and quaint. But then there's about a hundred drunk college students roaming the streets on the weekends. It's rather annoying at times. I guess I can't complain as I am usually one of them.
I still haven't been in a relationship since moving to Lawrence. I'm not quite sure that there's a reason for that. I just haven't really made a huge effort to meet girls other than the ones I meet through Jon. He usually meets girls that are whores though. It's like he's a slut-magnet. I have met a few nice girls, but none that really take notice in me as anything other than Jon Urban's friend/roommate. I guess I have myself to blame for that. So the search continues. It's hard to stand out in a town where you're surrounded by thousands of people your age who are probably a better version of you. I'm a pretty outgoing guy but shy in comparison to anything Jon can pull off, I sometimes end up being his shadow.
More of my friends are turning 21 by the day, it's nice to be able to be able to invite them out to the bars and all that. Nothing's really changed though. It's always still the same few friends going to the bars getting drunk and not remembering any of it.
Our drinking habits haven't changed much. Still drinking too much. Still hanging out at the same people's parties. Still doing the same old things we've done before. But I still love every moment of it.
I've made some pretty good friends here in Lawrence. Some pretty good acquaintances too. The friends I've made are a lot of fun to be around. They're all single for the most part so that's nice too. The majority of my friends from Garden City that live here are in serious relationships so they generally do what people in serious relationships do. And that's fine. I'm happy for them, I really am. I love them all very much. It's just hard to really go out and be crazy with people who have a second opinion. That little voice of reasoning. That just sounds negative and it's not. It's actually probably a really good thing because I often find myself in situations I'd rather not be in. It's just nice to be good friends with single guys who are always down to do the things that single guys do.
I guess I've found out a lot about myself in this year than I thought I would. I can tell that I've grown up a lot. I guess I've gone through a lot in the last year. It never really occurred to me until just now. It's like the last year just flashed before my eyes. It's easy to forget about the little things in life. I've grown but I'm still the same mess I was before. Maybe that's not progress but it definitely isn't regress.
I still feel like I'm searching for something though. Maybe I just need to be back in school because that's about the only thing that everyone else seems to be doing that I am not. I want to go back, I've wanted to for quite some time. It never made much sense to leave college for two years in the first place. Maybe I was just using that as an excuse because I didn't want to grow up.
I am still working at Walmart, though I grow weary of this establishment and the way it treats its employees, particularly myself. I've began the job-hunting process, though it is quite tedious and I am not one that is eager to seek employment elsewhere. Not that I wouldn't like to work some place else, I just hate change I guess. It's a terrible feeling knowing that you've become accustomed to being treated like shit but are still unwilling to do much about it. But I will, soon enough.
I live with Jon Urban as opposed to Brian and Madison. They were great roommates and much better at decorating their home than Jon and I. I guess it helps to have that feminine touch. I miss seeing them all the time but Jon's a pretty fun guy to be around unless he's black-out drunk, which, just so happens to be, most of the time. We live about a block north of the football stadium which is ideal if you're into that sort of thing. I really love the neighborhood we live in though. It's almost suburban in a way. Very quiet during the day time. Quiet and quaint. But then there's about a hundred drunk college students roaming the streets on the weekends. It's rather annoying at times. I guess I can't complain as I am usually one of them.
I still haven't been in a relationship since moving to Lawrence. I'm not quite sure that there's a reason for that. I just haven't really made a huge effort to meet girls other than the ones I meet through Jon. He usually meets girls that are whores though. It's like he's a slut-magnet. I have met a few nice girls, but none that really take notice in me as anything other than Jon Urban's friend/roommate. I guess I have myself to blame for that. So the search continues. It's hard to stand out in a town where you're surrounded by thousands of people your age who are probably a better version of you. I'm a pretty outgoing guy but shy in comparison to anything Jon can pull off, I sometimes end up being his shadow.
More of my friends are turning 21 by the day, it's nice to be able to be able to invite them out to the bars and all that. Nothing's really changed though. It's always still the same few friends going to the bars getting drunk and not remembering any of it.
Our drinking habits haven't changed much. Still drinking too much. Still hanging out at the same people's parties. Still doing the same old things we've done before. But I still love every moment of it.
I've made some pretty good friends here in Lawrence. Some pretty good acquaintances too. The friends I've made are a lot of fun to be around. They're all single for the most part so that's nice too. The majority of my friends from Garden City that live here are in serious relationships so they generally do what people in serious relationships do. And that's fine. I'm happy for them, I really am. I love them all very much. It's just hard to really go out and be crazy with people who have a second opinion. That little voice of reasoning. That just sounds negative and it's not. It's actually probably a really good thing because I often find myself in situations I'd rather not be in. It's just nice to be good friends with single guys who are always down to do the things that single guys do.
I guess I've found out a lot about myself in this year than I thought I would. I can tell that I've grown up a lot. I guess I've gone through a lot in the last year. It never really occurred to me until just now. It's like the last year just flashed before my eyes. It's easy to forget about the little things in life. I've grown but I'm still the same mess I was before. Maybe that's not progress but it definitely isn't regress.
I still feel like I'm searching for something though. Maybe I just need to be back in school because that's about the only thing that everyone else seems to be doing that I am not. I want to go back, I've wanted to for quite some time. It never made much sense to leave college for two years in the first place. Maybe I was just using that as an excuse because I didn't want to grow up.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
give thanks
Today as I was working, going about my normal work ruitine, I started thinking about what I was thankful for this year. I couldn't really focus on work because I was trying so hard to think of all things I would like to give thanks for, knowing that it would come up at some point or another on thanksgiving day. Here's what I can remember, and a few things I'll probably come up with off the top of my head.
-I'm thankful to finally be living in Lawrence and to be out on my own with my two friends, Brian and Madison. Though I'm sure they get sick of me at times, I cannot thank them enough for letting me move in with them and getting the hell out of Garden City.
-I'm thankful for all the support I've received from my family since I moved to Lawrence. I was broke and jobless for 2 months and they helped me pay my bills when they could have easily just let me fail. I cannot thank them enough for helping me out through those tough times.
-I'm thankful that I finally have a job even though it's not one that I like in the least. I could have lost my place in Lawrence if I could not pay my bills and be sitting back home in Garden City if I had not found this job when I did.
-I'm thankful for all the support that my friends have given me due to the fact that I am broke most of the time. They still take me under their wing and take me out and buy me food, drinks, concert/football tickets and gave me rides everywhere when I didn't have my car yet, among other things. I seriously appreciate you guys so much because that's something that you did out of your own kindness and not because you felt obliged to, because no one is obliged to buy things for their friends week after week.
-I'm thankful for all the wonderful friends I've made since I moved to lawrence. Also to be reunited with a lot of old friends from Garden City. They are all really great and a lot of fun to be around. I'm thankful for all the good times we've had together. If any of you read this (which I doubt), you are amazing.
-I'm thankful that I finally got my car and my license back, though my license reinstatement was for 30 days and I failed to go take my drivers test again so it is now suspended again. I need to take care of that.
-I'm thankful that I finally got to see Todd Reesing and co. in action at Memorial Stadium. It had been my dream that once I moved here I would get season tickets and watch every game. Though I did not get season tickets I had friends that helped me get into practically every home game for free or for very cheap. And though the season has not been what I had hoped for this year, I'm still very greatful that I got to see them in their last year at KU.
-I'm thankful for every concert I've been able to see since I've moved here. A lot of times I didn't think I would be able to go but I somehow pulled enough money together or my friends helped me out.
-I'm thankful that I do not work at Tyson anymore. Even though the money was good, I hated that place and I'm glad I'll never have to go back.
-I'm thankful that I finally have my own computer. It's a really nice computer and I love it.
-I'm thankful to still be alive. God knows there's been some close calls and I can't really even begin to state how thankful I am to still have air in my lungs.
-I'm for the time that I've spent being extremely broke. It's been a humbling experiencee that I won't ever forget. It's a daily reminder to be thankful for things that we would normally take for granted on a daily basis, like a decent meal. I've always been a picky eater but not being able to afford your basic needs really made me stretch my comfort zone and resort to eating eggs and ramen noodles for 2 months.
I think that'll be enough for now.
Thanks for reading.
-I'm thankful to finally be living in Lawrence and to be out on my own with my two friends, Brian and Madison. Though I'm sure they get sick of me at times, I cannot thank them enough for letting me move in with them and getting the hell out of Garden City.
-I'm thankful for all the support I've received from my family since I moved to Lawrence. I was broke and jobless for 2 months and they helped me pay my bills when they could have easily just let me fail. I cannot thank them enough for helping me out through those tough times.
-I'm thankful that I finally have a job even though it's not one that I like in the least. I could have lost my place in Lawrence if I could not pay my bills and be sitting back home in Garden City if I had not found this job when I did.
-I'm thankful for all the support that my friends have given me due to the fact that I am broke most of the time. They still take me under their wing and take me out and buy me food, drinks, concert/football tickets and gave me rides everywhere when I didn't have my car yet, among other things. I seriously appreciate you guys so much because that's something that you did out of your own kindness and not because you felt obliged to, because no one is obliged to buy things for their friends week after week.
-I'm thankful for all the wonderful friends I've made since I moved to lawrence. Also to be reunited with a lot of old friends from Garden City. They are all really great and a lot of fun to be around. I'm thankful for all the good times we've had together. If any of you read this (which I doubt), you are amazing.
-I'm thankful that I finally got my car and my license back, though my license reinstatement was for 30 days and I failed to go take my drivers test again so it is now suspended again. I need to take care of that.
-I'm thankful that I finally got to see Todd Reesing and co. in action at Memorial Stadium. It had been my dream that once I moved here I would get season tickets and watch every game. Though I did not get season tickets I had friends that helped me get into practically every home game for free or for very cheap. And though the season has not been what I had hoped for this year, I'm still very greatful that I got to see them in their last year at KU.
-I'm thankful for every concert I've been able to see since I've moved here. A lot of times I didn't think I would be able to go but I somehow pulled enough money together or my friends helped me out.
-I'm thankful that I do not work at Tyson anymore. Even though the money was good, I hated that place and I'm glad I'll never have to go back.
-I'm thankful that I finally have my own computer. It's a really nice computer and I love it.
-I'm thankful to still be alive. God knows there's been some close calls and I can't really even begin to state how thankful I am to still have air in my lungs.
-I'm for the time that I've spent being extremely broke. It's been a humbling experiencee that I won't ever forget. It's a daily reminder to be thankful for things that we would normally take for granted on a daily basis, like a decent meal. I've always been a picky eater but not being able to afford your basic needs really made me stretch my comfort zone and resort to eating eggs and ramen noodles for 2 months.
I think that'll be enough for now.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, November 2, 2009
kissing with open eyes
Don't know why I've stopped writing.
I'm on the computer when I'm not at work.
I always said told myself that if I had a computer in my room, I would write all the time and that I would probably attempt to write my masterpiece.
But I never did.
Don't know why.
Guess I must have just realized that I couldn't write a novel if I tried.
Anything less than that just seems trite.
Normal, everyday thoughts and the like,
Short stories about people I know or things I've done,
And things I've made up just for fun.
At the moment I just thought about why people close their eyes when they kiss.
I'm sure it's not that they don't like looking at their partner.
But they say it's creepy when you do.
Is it creepy when someone gets really close to your face and closes their eyes?
Yes.
They're probably taking a good whiff of the scent you put off.
So then, it's creepy if you close your eyes and get close to someone, and if you don't close your eyes when you kiss someone.
Fair enough.
What are people thinking about when they kiss, if not the person before them?
Don't ask me.
Are they even thinking about kissing someone?
I just don't know why you close your eyes when you kiss they way you do when you sneeze.
Your eyes aren't going to pop out of your head if you do, by the way.
Could it be instinct?
It would be awakard if both parties involved would lock eyes as they locked lips for an extended period of time.
Staring into their eyes, their souls.
Really getting inside them using your eyes and not your dick.
But of course you could use tongue for either.
I just don't know why.
It's just one of the many things we've been accustomed to see and therefore do.
When you kiss you both go to your happy together.
A place where trees glow yellow and red in the sun's reflection and Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." isn't stuck in your head from getting constant radio play.
In fact there is no radio, because there is no need.
You have every album you could ever imagine and in mint condition.
Your favorite record is playing.
You're alone, but you're both in this together.
It's perfect in every way that a dream is.
It doesn't exist and you don't want to open your eyes.
Then both come to and pull apart.
Smiling, of course, because you see them once again.
Thinking to yourself how good its been; placing your finger on their chin.
And then it's back to reality.
A sad reality where you are no longer kissing them anymore.
Unless the kiss meant nothing.
Then, you were probably thinking about something else.
Perhaps the thought of unbuttoning their pants.
Saying something to the nature of, "I wanna fuck you so bad right now."
Hands ruffling hair; hands everywhere.
You can never have enough hands.
Lifting them onto a counter or the sink in the bathroom at a crowded party.
Then opening your eyes when it's all over.
And you're right back where you were, kissing a stranger like you owe them something.
Like you love them.
You don't, and you're quite aware.
But it doesn't matter at this point.
What done is done.
And at that point you realize,
A kiss can mean everything; a kiss can mean nothing.
I'm on the computer when I'm not at work.
I always said told myself that if I had a computer in my room, I would write all the time and that I would probably attempt to write my masterpiece.
But I never did.
Don't know why.
Guess I must have just realized that I couldn't write a novel if I tried.
Anything less than that just seems trite.
Normal, everyday thoughts and the like,
Short stories about people I know or things I've done,
And things I've made up just for fun.
At the moment I just thought about why people close their eyes when they kiss.
I'm sure it's not that they don't like looking at their partner.
But they say it's creepy when you do.
Is it creepy when someone gets really close to your face and closes their eyes?
Yes.
They're probably taking a good whiff of the scent you put off.
So then, it's creepy if you close your eyes and get close to someone, and if you don't close your eyes when you kiss someone.
Fair enough.
What are people thinking about when they kiss, if not the person before them?
Don't ask me.
Are they even thinking about kissing someone?
I just don't know why you close your eyes when you kiss they way you do when you sneeze.
Your eyes aren't going to pop out of your head if you do, by the way.
Could it be instinct?
It would be awakard if both parties involved would lock eyes as they locked lips for an extended period of time.
Staring into their eyes, their souls.
Really getting inside them using your eyes and not your dick.
But of course you could use tongue for either.
I just don't know why.
It's just one of the many things we've been accustomed to see and therefore do.
When you kiss you both go to your happy together.
A place where trees glow yellow and red in the sun's reflection and Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." isn't stuck in your head from getting constant radio play.
In fact there is no radio, because there is no need.
You have every album you could ever imagine and in mint condition.
Your favorite record is playing.
You're alone, but you're both in this together.
It's perfect in every way that a dream is.
It doesn't exist and you don't want to open your eyes.
Then both come to and pull apart.
Smiling, of course, because you see them once again.
Thinking to yourself how good its been; placing your finger on their chin.
And then it's back to reality.
A sad reality where you are no longer kissing them anymore.
Unless the kiss meant nothing.
Then, you were probably thinking about something else.
Perhaps the thought of unbuttoning their pants.
Saying something to the nature of, "I wanna fuck you so bad right now."
Hands ruffling hair; hands everywhere.
You can never have enough hands.
Lifting them onto a counter or the sink in the bathroom at a crowded party.
Then opening your eyes when it's all over.
And you're right back where you were, kissing a stranger like you owe them something.
Like you love them.
You don't, and you're quite aware.
But it doesn't matter at this point.
What done is done.
And at that point you realize,
A kiss can mean everything; a kiss can mean nothing.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
delusions of grandeur
To be that man who was once known
as a better man than the one who is shown.
The one whose presence could move a dying wind
simply by sitting there with that godawful grin.
His soothing voice hit the soft spot in your ear,
like a the shining light through a window, so clear.
He was the man of your dreams, but why did you stall?
And now he's gone forever, you must recall.
He's in the past and surely will be forgotten,
as he makes his way to such a lonely bottom.
His head was a faucet leaking love, laughter and lies.
All his secret wishes; all his world famous sighs.
So come down from those tired clouds,
get back on your feet and put your head in the ground.
as a better man than the one who is shown.
The one whose presence could move a dying wind
simply by sitting there with that godawful grin.
His soothing voice hit the soft spot in your ear,
like a the shining light through a window, so clear.
He was the man of your dreams, but why did you stall?
And now he's gone forever, you must recall.
He's in the past and surely will be forgotten,
as he makes his way to such a lonely bottom.
His head was a faucet leaking love, laughter and lies.
All his secret wishes; all his world famous sighs.
So come down from those tired clouds,
get back on your feet and put your head in the ground.
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