Can't shake this polaroid.

I keep having these dreams and I don't know for what reasons exactly. They're not reoccurring dreams it just pretty much revolves around the same theme/person. None are identical, though similar in thought...and they all end the same way.
I wake up obviously not in the best mood because it fucks with my head so much that this is happening now, several months later. I just cant shake that feeling. As much as I would like to forget, I like to think about it when it does come up in my mind. Like I secretly want to remember everything that I'm trying forget. Kind of a flip on eternal sunshine of the spotless mind I guess you could say. I forget things in real life and then remember them in my dreams. Not just this, I do that with a lot of things.
While I was in mexico over christmas break during my freshmen year I had the same dream that I would lose or forget my class schedule and that I would be lost the entire day for 4 nights straight. Wall clocks were jumping out at me and buzzing indicating my tardiness. Teachers towering over me would ask if I was lost. I would say no because I kind of had a good idea of what my schedule was, even in my dreams. I guess this was just a big exaggeration of the fact that I would have to pay for a new schedule upon returning if I didn't bring it with me. And sure enough, I forgot it on the first day of school and I had to buy a new schedule.

Another weekend has come and gone and I have to wake up so fucking early tomorrow.
It was different from most weekends in a way...we didn't do anything really crazy but I had fun. We played monopoly at Brian's dad's house with Brittany, Billy, Robert and Richard. We went back to Brian/Madison's around 12 and stayed up drinking and talking til the sun came up Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was just another one of those nights. The kind of nights you just stay up talking because you don't want the night to end or because you just enjoy sharing someone else's company. Brian actually stayed up with Madison and myself this time so that was cool because usually it's just me and Madison. Richard and Robert also stayed the night but they crashed in the spare bedroom.
Woke up to Brian cleaning around 11:30...so didn't sleep much. Brittany, Billy and Brian's dad came by for the Broncos game, which they won by the way! So that was good...it's not pretty when Denver loses in the presence of the Mizells.
Hate to cut this off but I'm going to bed...
Love life.

p.s. I really like Thrice's "Image of the Invisible" song/video.
check it out.

Today...I played frisbee golf after work with brian because it was so beautiful out and you just really couldn't pass it up once the thought came to mind. It was a perfect sunny December day (Yeah, I know...ironic. Are you writing this down Alanis?) and took full advantage of playing the first 12 holes before heading back over to his place.
Watched part of the modern Romeo and Juliet featuring DeCap but then decided against it and watched 2 of the last 3 episodes of the first season of Lost (they watched the last episode after giving me a ride home) and unless you're one of those people that skip things in parenthesis when you read because a lot of the time it's shinfo then you would know that this would bring me to where I'm currently at in life.
Feelin a little spazzy...don't know what the motive might be.
My shoes came in that I longed for after searching high and low for two years. Journey's was just like, 'Sup? We got your Asics, no big.' out of nowhere (because that's where I originally bought them two years ago and then they just stopped making the damn shoe apparently...that was total shinfo by the way, so if you skip these you're good).
I think I'll finish christmas shopping this weekend...maybe not.
The new Britney Spears CD dropped today...shit goes hard.

Hit the lights...

Well the weekend is over now and I have to get ready to face the daily grind tomorrow...ugh, Mondays. I've never been a fan of Mondays, and with good reason. The weekend is a time when you lose sight of all inhibitions and just get to have a good time with the people you love to spend that time with. I spent the weekend at Brian/Madison's place, it was kind of like a slumber party...you probably missed out. Friday night we got together at Diego's with all the crazy kids that were in town who I hadn't seen in a while. It was really fun, and I got to hang out with Michelle for a bit that night so I'm glad she came out and I at least got to see her during her stay in GC. Saturday night was much the same except we were at Ellen's tacky-er sweater party. Brian, Madison, James and Delaney came out this time and I'm glad they did because it was pretty fun. I didn't dress up because I didn't own a tacky sweater...my bad. It was also Matt Sondag's birthday that night so he was out partying with everyone, it was good seeing him this weekend...I missed that guy.
Guess I better get to bed now, gotta love Mondays.

We had our 15 minutes so we take our bow and walk off stage.
The empty seats reminding us our time is up.
And so we walk, but still we thought this would be it.
This stage is no longer ours to take.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for your time."
The wait for the next bus home is long.
Sitting on the pavement in the cold, dark night.
No man's land.
This once brought a smile to our face.
Now it only brings unwanted company.
And so we walk, but we walk onward home.
Only spend the night alone.

I wish...

If you're struggling with ideas for christmas presents for myself, allow me to make it easier for you. Here's a list of things I wouldn't mind getting for christmas at all.

- KU Football #5 Replica Jersey (Medium) $54.99 @ KU store.com




- 2008 FedEx Orange Bowl DVD $24.99 @ KU Store.com



or even

- 2007 Kansas Football Season Review $24.99 @ KU Store.com



Sense a pattern developing here?

- Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360) $59.99 @ Target




- Call of Duty: World at War (Xbox 360) $49.99 @ Target



- Every Time I Die - "Hot Damn!" Vinyl only $14.95 @ ETID Merch store



- Every Time I Die - "Gutter Phenomenon" Vinyl only $14.95 @ ETID Merch store



- Every Time I Die - "Last Night in Town" Vinyl only $13.95 @ ETID Merch store

I guess it's thanksgiving so let me get it out of the way first and foremost. I hate didn't realize how much I hate spending time with my family until this week. Not so much my immediate family, but my relatives. I hate having to pretend to be someone I'm not around them. Shouldn't you be able to be yourself around your family in the comfort of your own home? I don't even feel like I'm on my own turf here, like I have to watch what I do and what I say. I feel uncomfortable just leaving the house because I know what they're thinking, "He doesn't even care that we're here." Right now I'm downstairs on the computer (obviously) and everyone else is upstairs gathered 'round the TV, talking and laughing and having a good 'ol jolly time. I guess that makes me the Debbie Downer of the bunch.
In other news, I'm just thankful it's thanksgiving because I don't have to work and I'm getting paid. I'm thankful for my all the amazing friends I have. I'm thankful I get to see all my friends that are home from their busy college lives. I'm thankful my family is alive and well. I'm thankful for shirt on my back and the roof over my head. I'm thankful for the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. I'm also thankful for Minus the Bear...and that's about it.

Hey, Mr. Hangman, go get your rope.

She'll sit and wait for him to do what she would assume the right thing not knowing what the outcome of the situation will be. Her hand reaches for his and he pulls back. He's scared of what his friends will think if they ever found out: "Is she worth my time? What will my friends think of her? She better be putting out if I'm going through all this trouble."
Why does he care so much?
All I can do is sit here and watch him play out his game.
He steps away for a few short moments and I am presented the perfect opportunity to tell her that the only way he would ever date her is his friends thought she was a 10, a hot piece of ass...at that point it would just be another one of their victims in the game they play. He would berate her and treat her like a piece of property, just like all the rest...just as she's been conditioned to.
I walked up to her and there I stood, right in front of her, with nothing to say...what a dumb mother fucker.
Instead, I walked away knowing I could've saved her from an ill-fate.
I almost did couldn't sleep over it, don't know why.
But I still think about that to this day and I still feel sorry for her.

patiently waiting.

She woke up on a train moving through a mountain range.
And she's still, silently watching trees, falling east.
She's thinking, 'Home is just a hang up when nothing's easy.'
Last night, hotel bar, you lost track of time emptying glasses.
Then you turned your head as he walked through the door.
He found your gaze but you made him yours.
Did you know you could take a man so easily?
For what it's worth...move, baby, move.
Your life is falling on you.
Morning came and saw you alone, he had turned into a note:
'Thanks girl, next time in my town just pick up the phone.'
It found the floor, you found you weren't at home.
It was a note just like any other guy, or someone...somewhere.
Go back to sleep for a little longer, you got the best of me.
Your clothes have been patiently waiting, go put them back on.
It wasn't so wrong.

this aint a surfin' movie

I think a lot...don't know if you knew that. I might look like I'm just wasting away staring at something, but I'm really thinking about everything. Anything that comes to mind. I mean I really think about everything. Everything that happens to me on a daily basis and totally random things you couldn't even imagine...but mostly hypothetical situations. Don't ask me why, but I love making up hypothetical situations. I just think it's fun to think about probability and possibility and what the outcome could be to any situation. I apply hypothetical situations to every day life. I always think, hmm...what if me and her totally hit it off? What would that be like? Even if it's like some girl I'm not even interested in, I just wonder what it would be like to share most of my time with a certain person. I make a movie in my head about what it would be like. I'm good at figuring things like that out. I can visualize things if I think about them and it really does seem like I'm in a movie. One time I thought about what my funeral would be like if I died at an early age, like lets say I die in a car crash or something. Not because I'm depressed or anything, but I just know that if I think about it hard enough I can see in my head very clear. I can almost tell exactly who would be there to a tee. I guess you call it day dreaming. Sometimes I almost think I have like a sense that helps me predict things. But not literally, it just so happens to turn out how I say it would. That doesn't mean anything. I can't prove those kinds of things.

Sorry if you were expecting something worth reading, I just really wanted to get that out there...it probably doesn't make much sense but at least I got it out.

Let's go busters!

Saturday I decided to order the KU vs. Nebraska game because it was only going to be aired on pay-per-view (how lame right?) and figured no one else in town as far as bars go would be showing it. My parents were also out of town so I invited everyone that I know of who cares about KU football, hell I even invited some nebraska fans over just to make it interesting. Kickoff was at 1:30 so we fired up the grill pretty early and got some beer and made it actually really fun. We lost 35-45...but I still had fun. We all were pretty drunk by 7 o'clock and headed to the college soccer game.
Congratulate the soccer boys for beating Jefferson at home this saturday and heading to nationals in arizona! Yes it is an exciting time to be a broncbuster (and probably the only time) if you've been keeping tabs on the boys soccer team. We beat Jefferson 1-zip in the Division championship and it was freakin awesome. There was actually a really good turn out, which is more than an understatement (average crowd, 10-25 max). We did a good job of cheering them on and it paid off.
So I missed the deadline yesterday to drop any class, and now I just gotta hope to keep my chin up and at least salvage a looow C.
I think if anything, I'm at least going to update daily with my urban word of the day.

Today's is textrovert.
1. One who feels an increased sense of bravery over texting, as opposed to in person.

2. One who will often only say what they really feel over text messages.

Kelly: "So how'd the conversation go with Bill last night?"

Wendy: "Ugh...he's such a textrovert. We didn't make any progress until I went home and he spilled his guts through texts."