The holiday season is coming to a close and I've yet to update on all the buzz.

Christmas was really cool this year...probably the best christmas I've had. I got a really nice KU hoodie from brian, 3 xbox 360 games from madison, james, and kacee, choke by chuck palahniuk (madison got a copy from her sister but she gave me a copy since she already had owned it), mewithoutYou - "Catch For Us The Foxes" on vinyl from brian, tropic thunder also from madison, KU gym shorts from dylan...I think I might be forgetting something...but anyways they were all awesome gifts!
We opened up presents around 11ish...as soon as they forced me to get up from my comatose sleep. Madison made biscuits & gravy, which was pretty delish, and then we went to brian's dad's and they opened up presents over there.
My parents still aren't back from their trip yet, which kind of worries me because they said they were leaving saturday night and that would mean they probably stopped in Juarez to spend the day with my aunt's family. But still, it's tuesday now...and my mom's phone is shut off. So hopefully they're okay and didn't get in some terrible wreck somewhere.
Well tomorrow is KU's bowl game vs. Minnesota, pretty stoked about that and I will most def be sporting my new hoodie (like I haven't been since I got it).
Hope everything is well for everyone.
Happy holidays.

I wish 2-day meant today.

Christmas is just around the corner and everyone will be home this weekend, well everyone except my entire family. They left this morning to spend christmas with my grandma/grandpa/uncles/aunts/cousins/nieces/nephews/whoever else they feel like spending it with besides me. That's okay though, I'd rather stay here anyways because I'd much rather spend christmas with people that want to see me. Wonder what I've been doing in preparation? Finishing up my christmas shopping (still), fighting with amazon.com because I ordered like 10 things that aren't here yet (and they should have been 3 days ago because I payed for 2-day delivery), wrapping the few presents I've purchased locally (and the few that I ordered many weeks ago because I already knew what I was getting, none if this last-minute overnight delivery nonsense) and ordering more things via amazon.com (overnight delivery...I know, stop it).
It's a stressful time in my book, I just want to make sure I get everyone something who means something to me. Although my checkbook might not allow for some extraordinary gifts (because of the number of people I'm buying things for), it's the thought that counts assholes.
I just really want everyone to have a good christmas and receive as many gifts as possible and I'm feeling very generous this year...that's quite odd. I never really buy more than two or three people gifts each year, but this year's different. I don't know how it is, it just is.
So if I know you and you mean something to me, you'll be receiving a gift this year...but don't get too used to it.

Now, back to e-mailing amazon.com about my tracking my GODDAMN orders.
Ho, ho, ho bitches.

Can't shake this polaroid.

I keep having these dreams and I don't know for what reasons exactly. They're not reoccurring dreams it just pretty much revolves around the same theme/person. None are identical, though similar in thought...and they all end the same way.
I wake up obviously not in the best mood because it fucks with my head so much that this is happening now, several months later. I just cant shake that feeling. As much as I would like to forget, I like to think about it when it does come up in my mind. Like I secretly want to remember everything that I'm trying forget. Kind of a flip on eternal sunshine of the spotless mind I guess you could say. I forget things in real life and then remember them in my dreams. Not just this, I do that with a lot of things.
While I was in mexico over christmas break during my freshmen year I had the same dream that I would lose or forget my class schedule and that I would be lost the entire day for 4 nights straight. Wall clocks were jumping out at me and buzzing indicating my tardiness. Teachers towering over me would ask if I was lost. I would say no because I kind of had a good idea of what my schedule was, even in my dreams. I guess this was just a big exaggeration of the fact that I would have to pay for a new schedule upon returning if I didn't bring it with me. And sure enough, I forgot it on the first day of school and I had to buy a new schedule.

Another weekend has come and gone and I have to wake up so fucking early tomorrow.
It was different from most weekends in a way...we didn't do anything really crazy but I had fun. We played monopoly at Brian's dad's house with Brittany, Billy, Robert and Richard. We went back to Brian/Madison's around 12 and stayed up drinking and talking til the sun came up Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was just another one of those nights. The kind of nights you just stay up talking because you don't want the night to end or because you just enjoy sharing someone else's company. Brian actually stayed up with Madison and myself this time so that was cool because usually it's just me and Madison. Richard and Robert also stayed the night but they crashed in the spare bedroom.
Woke up to Brian cleaning around 11:30...so didn't sleep much. Brittany, Billy and Brian's dad came by for the Broncos game, which they won by the way! So that was good...it's not pretty when Denver loses in the presence of the Mizells.
Hate to cut this off but I'm going to bed...
Love life.

p.s. I really like Thrice's "Image of the Invisible" song/video.
check it out.

Today...I played frisbee golf after work with brian because it was so beautiful out and you just really couldn't pass it up once the thought came to mind. It was a perfect sunny December day (Yeah, I know...ironic. Are you writing this down Alanis?) and took full advantage of playing the first 12 holes before heading back over to his place.
Watched part of the modern Romeo and Juliet featuring DeCap but then decided against it and watched 2 of the last 3 episodes of the first season of Lost (they watched the last episode after giving me a ride home) and unless you're one of those people that skip things in parenthesis when you read because a lot of the time it's shinfo then you would know that this would bring me to where I'm currently at in life.
Feelin a little spazzy...don't know what the motive might be.
My shoes came in that I longed for after searching high and low for two years. Journey's was just like, 'Sup? We got your Asics, no big.' out of nowhere (because that's where I originally bought them two years ago and then they just stopped making the damn shoe apparently...that was total shinfo by the way, so if you skip these you're good).
I think I'll finish christmas shopping this weekend...maybe not.
The new Britney Spears CD dropped today...shit goes hard.

Hit the lights...

Well the weekend is over now and I have to get ready to face the daily grind tomorrow...ugh, Mondays. I've never been a fan of Mondays, and with good reason. The weekend is a time when you lose sight of all inhibitions and just get to have a good time with the people you love to spend that time with. I spent the weekend at Brian/Madison's place, it was kind of like a slumber party...you probably missed out. Friday night we got together at Diego's with all the crazy kids that were in town who I hadn't seen in a while. It was really fun, and I got to hang out with Michelle for a bit that night so I'm glad she came out and I at least got to see her during her stay in GC. Saturday night was much the same except we were at Ellen's tacky-er sweater party. Brian, Madison, James and Delaney came out this time and I'm glad they did because it was pretty fun. I didn't dress up because I didn't own a tacky sweater...my bad. It was also Matt Sondag's birthday that night so he was out partying with everyone, it was good seeing him this weekend...I missed that guy.
Guess I better get to bed now, gotta love Mondays.

We had our 15 minutes so we take our bow and walk off stage.
The empty seats reminding us our time is up.
And so we walk, but still we thought this would be it.
This stage is no longer ours to take.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for your time."
The wait for the next bus home is long.
Sitting on the pavement in the cold, dark night.
No man's land.
This once brought a smile to our face.
Now it only brings unwanted company.
And so we walk, but we walk onward home.
Only spend the night alone.

I wish...

If you're struggling with ideas for christmas presents for myself, allow me to make it easier for you. Here's a list of things I wouldn't mind getting for christmas at all.

- KU Football #5 Replica Jersey (Medium) $54.99 @ KU store.com




- 2008 FedEx Orange Bowl DVD $24.99 @ KU Store.com



or even

- 2007 Kansas Football Season Review $24.99 @ KU Store.com



Sense a pattern developing here?

- Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360) $59.99 @ Target




- Call of Duty: World at War (Xbox 360) $49.99 @ Target



- Every Time I Die - "Hot Damn!" Vinyl only $14.95 @ ETID Merch store



- Every Time I Die - "Gutter Phenomenon" Vinyl only $14.95 @ ETID Merch store



- Every Time I Die - "Last Night in Town" Vinyl only $13.95 @ ETID Merch store

I guess it's thanksgiving so let me get it out of the way first and foremost. I hate didn't realize how much I hate spending time with my family until this week. Not so much my immediate family, but my relatives. I hate having to pretend to be someone I'm not around them. Shouldn't you be able to be yourself around your family in the comfort of your own home? I don't even feel like I'm on my own turf here, like I have to watch what I do and what I say. I feel uncomfortable just leaving the house because I know what they're thinking, "He doesn't even care that we're here." Right now I'm downstairs on the computer (obviously) and everyone else is upstairs gathered 'round the TV, talking and laughing and having a good 'ol jolly time. I guess that makes me the Debbie Downer of the bunch.
In other news, I'm just thankful it's thanksgiving because I don't have to work and I'm getting paid. I'm thankful for my all the amazing friends I have. I'm thankful I get to see all my friends that are home from their busy college lives. I'm thankful my family is alive and well. I'm thankful for shirt on my back and the roof over my head. I'm thankful for the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. I'm also thankful for Minus the Bear...and that's about it.

Hey, Mr. Hangman, go get your rope.

She'll sit and wait for him to do what she would assume the right thing not knowing what the outcome of the situation will be. Her hand reaches for his and he pulls back. He's scared of what his friends will think if they ever found out: "Is she worth my time? What will my friends think of her? She better be putting out if I'm going through all this trouble."
Why does he care so much?
All I can do is sit here and watch him play out his game.
He steps away for a few short moments and I am presented the perfect opportunity to tell her that the only way he would ever date her is his friends thought she was a 10, a hot piece of ass...at that point it would just be another one of their victims in the game they play. He would berate her and treat her like a piece of property, just like all the rest...just as she's been conditioned to.
I walked up to her and there I stood, right in front of her, with nothing to say...what a dumb mother fucker.
Instead, I walked away knowing I could've saved her from an ill-fate.
I almost did couldn't sleep over it, don't know why.
But I still think about that to this day and I still feel sorry for her.

patiently waiting.

She woke up on a train moving through a mountain range.
And she's still, silently watching trees, falling east.
She's thinking, 'Home is just a hang up when nothing's easy.'
Last night, hotel bar, you lost track of time emptying glasses.
Then you turned your head as he walked through the door.
He found your gaze but you made him yours.
Did you know you could take a man so easily?
For what it's worth...move, baby, move.
Your life is falling on you.
Morning came and saw you alone, he had turned into a note:
'Thanks girl, next time in my town just pick up the phone.'
It found the floor, you found you weren't at home.
It was a note just like any other guy, or someone...somewhere.
Go back to sleep for a little longer, you got the best of me.
Your clothes have been patiently waiting, go put them back on.
It wasn't so wrong.

this aint a surfin' movie

I think a lot...don't know if you knew that. I might look like I'm just wasting away staring at something, but I'm really thinking about everything. Anything that comes to mind. I mean I really think about everything. Everything that happens to me on a daily basis and totally random things you couldn't even imagine...but mostly hypothetical situations. Don't ask me why, but I love making up hypothetical situations. I just think it's fun to think about probability and possibility and what the outcome could be to any situation. I apply hypothetical situations to every day life. I always think, hmm...what if me and her totally hit it off? What would that be like? Even if it's like some girl I'm not even interested in, I just wonder what it would be like to share most of my time with a certain person. I make a movie in my head about what it would be like. I'm good at figuring things like that out. I can visualize things if I think about them and it really does seem like I'm in a movie. One time I thought about what my funeral would be like if I died at an early age, like lets say I die in a car crash or something. Not because I'm depressed or anything, but I just know that if I think about it hard enough I can see in my head very clear. I can almost tell exactly who would be there to a tee. I guess you call it day dreaming. Sometimes I almost think I have like a sense that helps me predict things. But not literally, it just so happens to turn out how I say it would. That doesn't mean anything. I can't prove those kinds of things.

Sorry if you were expecting something worth reading, I just really wanted to get that out there...it probably doesn't make much sense but at least I got it out.

Let's go busters!

Saturday I decided to order the KU vs. Nebraska game because it was only going to be aired on pay-per-view (how lame right?) and figured no one else in town as far as bars go would be showing it. My parents were also out of town so I invited everyone that I know of who cares about KU football, hell I even invited some nebraska fans over just to make it interesting. Kickoff was at 1:30 so we fired up the grill pretty early and got some beer and made it actually really fun. We lost 35-45...but I still had fun. We all were pretty drunk by 7 o'clock and headed to the college soccer game.
Congratulate the soccer boys for beating Jefferson at home this saturday and heading to nationals in arizona! Yes it is an exciting time to be a broncbuster (and probably the only time) if you've been keeping tabs on the boys soccer team. We beat Jefferson 1-zip in the Division championship and it was freakin awesome. There was actually a really good turn out, which is more than an understatement (average crowd, 10-25 max). We did a good job of cheering them on and it paid off.
So I missed the deadline yesterday to drop any class, and now I just gotta hope to keep my chin up and at least salvage a looow C.
I think if anything, I'm at least going to update daily with my urban word of the day.

Today's is textrovert.
1. One who feels an increased sense of bravery over texting, as opposed to in person.

2. One who will often only say what they really feel over text messages.

Kelly: "So how'd the conversation go with Bill last night?"

Wendy: "Ugh...he's such a textrovert. We didn't make any progress until I went home and he spilled his guts through texts."

I should probably be missing right now.

This weekend will go down in history, and they will speak of it for years (or weeks) to come. It was a long-awaited journey to Lawrence that James, Delaney, and myself had been planning for nearly a month and at the last minute Steve Shaw caught a ride up there with us so he could visit his baby girl.
The trip got interesting around 3 P.M. Friday afternoon when we reached Great Bend so James could cash in a $1000 winning scratch ticket. In celebration we stopped at a local liquor store and had Steve buy us a couple bottles for the trip. Needless to say, by the time we reached Lawrence and got to the venue for the show, we were already slightly inebriated. The show was a lot of fun--even though it wasn't really as full as I thought it would be for Mest. It was mostly all us GC peeps holding it down in the middle section. We all sang along and danced around and lane poured beer on everyone (as usual) and it was awesome.
After the show we all mobbed deep over to Jon's and continued partying in the wee hours of the night...and then some. Josh Sauer showed back up to Jon's around 5 in the A.M. with a sweet surprise that kept me from getting any sleep before the big game.
So around 8 I woke everyone else up and we all got ready to start tailgating and start getting drunk...again. What a chore. We had Jenn pick us up a 30 pack and we headed down to the campus to check out the homecoming parade (or what was left of it) before heading down by the stadium. We ended up tailgating with these college kids that lived right on the corner by the stadium, which was convenient.
Still high on a buzz from the night before, the excitement, and maybe all that alcohol we drank playing beer pong at 9 A.M. (that has to be a record for most people), we headed to Memorial Stadium to watch the game, front row at the 50 yard line.
Turns out those seats sucked a fat one. We could barely see over the sideline (see below) and all the people on our side were the boring adults who just sat there the whole time.

I was so pissed that I was about to just give someone my seat and go sit in the student section where all the excitement was. Instead, KU ended up falling behind big time by halftime and me and Jon U went back to this house and kept partying some more until who knows what time.
I don't really remember much of what happened next, except that I was sitting on a curb somewhere far away from that house and that Jennifer Dress and Joe Wesley Picked me up and took me to some restaurant where James and Delaney were at. Don't know what I was doing there, don't remember walking in. I just remember the waitress asking me if I was okay and if I wanted to order something.
Ended up back at Jon's somehow and for some reason I felt fine so I immediately took 6 beer bongs, which knocked me right back on my ass and out of conciousness for a while, I don't really know how.
All in all, I really kind of regret getting that drunk. I definitely didn't feel good for a couple days...but I had an awesome time and I can't wait to go back!

News flash!
I have had the last 3 days off from work and I've been enjoying staying up late, getting drunk, sleeping in, and doing absolutely nothing besides playing video games.
This was a much needed break from the everyday hustle of work.
I've just recently ordered tickets, along with james and delaney, to the KU vs. Texas Tech for Oct. 25th. We got 3 seats front row at the 50 yard line! I'm sooo excited...you have no idea, it's gonna go down in history.
I definitely need this road trip...

I'm convinced that no one reads this anymore, if they do they sure as hell don't let me know it.
I hate holding on to feelings you have for someone when you know it's not going to happen between the two of you. Not that I have a low self-esteem or anything, that's not the case at all. I just know that due to the circumstances we face, it wouldn't work out...even if she did share the feelings that I have for her.
It's just hard.
If you're reading this, you're probably thinking, "You're such a good guy, you can get any girl you want."
I'll believe it when I see it.
Make me a believer; prove me wrong.
I just feel like everyone who has somebody is so much happier than I am...and I want to feel that happiness that they're feeling.


What a pointless blog.
Sorry for wasting your time (whoever might be reading).

I just looked through all my pictures I have up on myspace and facebook and I came to realize that I want the old me back. I used to be so much fun. I'll admit that I'm pretty boring nowadays...but I know I feed off of the vibe I get from people that surround me. I miss all my old friends. I just miss being myself all the time. I miss being that guy that everyone loved and wanted to hang out with. I don't know what happened to that guy. Now I'm caught between the hustle of work, school and still trying to maintain a somewhat social life. It's not working out so great for me. I need to be around people more than I am. I need to get back in shape. I need to grab life by the horns and wrestle it into submission. I need to get the fuck out of this town.

Well, at least KU is still kickin' ass in football...and that's enough to make me happy for now.

Just livin' the dream baby!

Have you ever had one of those dreams that you wake up from and actually have to realize that you were just dreaming? I'm talking like you really thought you were living this dream, and that this was your life. Not just that, but upon waking and realizing it was just a fantasy you feel like you were just robbed of everything you ever wanted that you wish you would have never woken up. I just had that happen this morning. Well, the entire dream didn't revolve around it but most of what I can remember did.
It starts out when me and brian are at work (even though this place didn't look like tyson) and one of the chains broke that go throughout the entire plant, so we got to go home early. Pretty sweet start to this dream, because I've always heard of tyson getting out early on several occasions due to machinery malfunction but it has yet to happen to me thus far in my 3 months.
So I'm off work, got the entire to do whatever I want. It's friday, no class, no worries, no work all weekend...I had it made, little did I know things were about to get real serious real fast. But in a good way.
I came home, but not my actual house (I guess I got my own place, well, it was our place). I walk in and see my beautiful girlfriend (who for aesthetic reasons shall name Clementine, cheesy I know...but there's a story behind that that no one would know besides me). Me dreaming this was like watching it as a TV sitcom because I felt all the emotions I would have felt had I just found this out (whoa, I have a girlfriend? when did I get this sweet crib?), but the me in my dream was just livin' the dream.
I was the happiest person alive, we were the cutest couple. It was like on The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when he's going through all his favorite memories with Clementine, even with all the weird cut-scenes going on. It was like a picture perfect movie, and we were the stars.
I couldn't stop thinking about this at work today for some reason, and it made me sad because I used to have the biggest crush on this girl. That's how real this dream felt. I've had dreams before where I'm with someone and we're having fun and stuff, but none of them hurt so much to wake up from as this one did.
I really wish I could tivo my dreams and play this one every night for the rest of my life. Because I want to be me in that dream. I want to be as happy I am with that person, strangely enough.
Call me weird for saying that...but it is what it is.
I guess the other reason I posted this was because today at work the chain actually did brake...but we didn't get to go home. We just stopped for about 20 minutes, which is kind of like a 3rd break, so I guess my dream was at least right about one thing happening...maybe dreams do come true.
Nah...who am I kidding?

[Day one]
Asleep mid-sentence--the words fell apart.
No one is listening anyway.
This day will soon turn to black and my "wants and needs" will spill on my burning ashes.
I learned to be selfish today...I learned to be alive.
These things I care for are for my personal gain and my person happiness only.
Why should I sit in your chair and satisfy your standards?
I've done it all before and I've confused myself a thousand times.
The tragic day that I call morality just doesn't do it for me anymore.
No more choices, just standing in the cold.
The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died.
Asleep mid-sentence--my words fall to the ground.
Swept into this dreamland.
Economic satisfaction; never succeed.
But happiness has its place.
Justice will not lie in your corner.
New day towards death, only compassion for my own needs make my need necessary.

[Day two]
Throw myself in the corner; I have nothing to complain about here.
A tragic day seems too peaceful to most, spoiled ambitions turned my heart to black.
I'm figuring out this realization process--the process to never look upon bitter ground.
Living dreams, loving dreams awakening to what I've always dreamt of.
The familiar sound of the lovely laugh from the love of my life will keep the notes coming.

11:35 P.M.

Your dead things are locked up inside.
Blow smoke rings straight back in time,
like roses floating out with the tide.
Dance and sing under gunfire;
open wings slowly take flight...

Around these parts a fly can live--
A fly can live a thousand years;
but a man cannot die soon enough, true enough.

A smiling drunk nursing a glass of milk.
A girl with a face like prison bread.
Over the kitchen noise I hear them howl at me.

A scabby ketchup bottle and a two-dollar bill.
I guess its time to pay the bill, but you know I never will.
I'm hungry still...

Mercy killing on the way.
Never thought I'd hear you say--
Falling to your knees and praying now...

In this crowded place I could swing a cat and not even hit a soul...
It's just the lonely vacuum of human black holes.
And I'm as dry as these thirsty trees, with big city thoughts
in the dirty breeze...promising to set me free.
"Waiter, check please..."

his head was a faucet leaking love, laughter and lies.
all his secret wishes; all his world-famous sighs.

there was fog rolling in through the forested hilltops.
desolate and renounced, this is no place to hide and seek.
they were bound to lose each other while remaining stitched at the seam.
a river flowed so abound with pines that routed it through the valley.
the sound of the stream emptying into itself led us here.
what brought you back to this place?

uniformity brings comfort to those who'd rather not oppose the cause.
it's just not a fight worth fighting.
let the dead bury their own dead.
it's not worth dying for.
marching in crooked lines, smiling through crooked teeth.
we serve as a unit to make up the whole.
like tiny strands of thread that weave tightly to stitch an open wound.
infecting even the skin of any who stand in the way.
a flawless design doesn't live according to boundaries.
we've established a better way of life.
homeland security.
picket fences.
a "stable" economy.
an overlooked society.
firm handshakes.

you will live a better life should you join us.

Being Ben Affleck

So I forgot to note that I've been having this weird reoccurring dream ever since the first night I was placed in holding. I guess it's only a short part of the entire dream that keeps happening, but it seems like a movie I've watched over and over again. Almost like deja vu. This scene only lasts maybe a couple minutes but I'll try to describe it as best as I can.
So the setting is a truck stop and I'm in a movie, not like on the set of a movie, but a scene from a movie because I jump into character and I realize, "oh shit, this is a thriller."
I jump into the skin of Ben Affleck and I'm walking alongside Morgan Freeman. We are walking down this hall that leads to the bathrooms at a truck stop. The wall on the right side is essentially a big window, made of plexi-glass or something. As we're walking down the hall I start to think, "I've been here before...something is about to happen." And as I think this, the plexi-glass starts cracking in a web-like manner, moving at the same speed as we walk down this hall.
Morgan Freeman seems to be stuck in this movie role and doesn't acknowledge this strange happening, or maybe it's only happening to me because I'm trying to be sucked out of this movie and everything starts to crumple as if the dream is about to end.
Suddenly, we turn the corner and there is an explosion behind us that sends us flying for about 10 feet and we fall flat on our faces. We notice a man that is severely wounded sitting up against the door to the men's restroom. Infront of him is a brown paper bag with a post-it note attached to it that read, "PUSH".
As soon as I reach inside to grab the contents of this bag, I'm thrown out of this movie-like setting and end up in Cody Schaffer's old room, sitting next to him on his couch. I pull out what looks like 3 big pieces of dark fudge cake. Cody looks at me and says, "Dude, where'd you get that black-tar heroin?" I tell him, "I just found it at the truck stop, it had a note attached that read, 'PUSH'." He replies, "Oh shit dude! You know how much money you're going to make selling that? Like at least $2000 man...you're fucking rich!"
Right as he finishes his sentence, the GCPD SWAT team (not that we have one) bursts into the room, through the door, bathroom, window, from underneath the bed and from inside the closet. "You fuckin set me up!" is the only thing I say before I wake up.

The devil has hands, and he uses 'em for holding!

It wasn't easy, I'll tell you that much. Sitting in that room for 48 fucking hours. Actually more like 49 1/2 because they took so long to let me out, those assholes. You're stuck between these walls, 8'x10', nothing but a sink/toilet, mirror made from stainless steel, phone that doesn't work and the hardest bed you'll ever sleep on with the hardest pillow you'll ever rest your head on.
For the first 24 hours I seriously went insane. It was solitary confinement at its finest. I mean, sure, you have a window to look out, but there's only like 2 inches you can actually see out of. And believe me, peer I did. I watched the outside world like a hawk. Noticing anything and everything. Cars driving up and down the street, mainly those that belong to the GCPD. This was my main way to pass the time, well that and sleeping I suppose. It's hard to sleep because of how cold these rooms are though.
The first 24 hours seemed like never-ending. They really did, and I'm not exaggerating in the least. You try sitting in a room with not even a book or a piece of paper and a pen. Nothing whatsoever. These walls were a canvas for my thoughts but they could not do my thoughts any justice. I kid you not I was starting to hallucinate, to a certain extent. There's certain ways your mind will mess with you after you go over the same things over and over and over again. You think you see things move that aren't even there, or things that are there that would never move. I did everything I could to pass the time, count bricks in the wall, sleep, whistle, sing, pace the room (what was there to pace), listen in to the TV that played outside for the police, hell I even tried to make a shank out of the hard-plastic spork they gave me to use. That didn't work out so well...I guess I'm not cut out for this business. I attempted to reach anyone whose number I could remember. The only person that answered my phone call was Madison, but after she apparently went through something to make a connection it told me that I'd be able to get through in 30 minutes. And so I waited. And waited. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. When you're in that situation and you know you're expecting something so great as even talking to one of your best friends, the anticipation kills you like you have no idea. I cried my eyes out as soon as I got through to her the first time. No one else would answer my phone calls. You know that saying, "A good friend will come visit you in jail, a great friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friends will be sitting next to you saying, man, we fucked up!" Well I didn't have anyone to bail me out or anyone sitting next to me laughing at how badly we fucked up. I didn't have anyone to answer my calls, but I did have Brian and Madison (I found out after I got out after going through my texts) who came and tried to see me. If the guards would've told me that I would've felt so much better, but they didn't. So after what seemed like an eternity of me staring at the clock, I finally tried to dial back to reach Madison. "We're sorry, that number is restricted." You wouldn't have wanted to see how pissed I was at that moment. I started punching and kicking the phone so hard I almost knocked it off the wall. I threw the biggest fit in my life. You would too though, had you felt like everything in the world had just been stripped right from your fingertips...they were the only ones willing to take my call and now I couldn't even talk to them. So my day went on. Did I mention the food is terrible? Cause it is.
As I was sound asleep in the first night of my stay, they brought someone else in. Some 45-year-old lookin mexican man. I didn't feel so safe behind these walls anymore. Not that I was scared of this man, he was harmless. I just had become used to being all alone for so long, or so it seemed, that I felt like he was invading my space. But human contact was appreciated much the same. I was beginning to lose it, so this was probably good that they brought someone for me to interact with. Came to find we had something in common, we were both in this room for the same reason.
We didn't talk much. I think he really wanted to talk but I just didn't feel like dumbing myself down to his level of conversation. He was a real...what's the word I'm looking for? Well he acted like he was 14, basically. Real spacey kinda guy.
Day 2 brought a familiar face to my holding cell, and in case you haven't caught on, that's 3 people sleeping in an 8'x10' cell with also a toilet/sink taking up some of the room allotted. This guy's name was Justin. I'd met him once before at Luke's house, he sold drugs for a living...and apparently made a good living at that. The first thing he said to me was, "Hey I seen you at Luke's before that one time." And I replied, "Yeah I think so man." And he said, "You wanna do some coke?" I just laughed. "Nah man I'm straight, thanks though." This guy was crazy cool though. Just the fact that he had the audacity to sneak that in even though he would only be in holding for 6 hours. I guess it would make the time pass by faster. We talked a lot. We talked about everything. His father who had just passed. His "stupid ass" girlfriend. How he knows my cousins Zach Marez and CJ Covington (go figure). He even promised to come back and get me at 2 a.m. and he would have a pack of cigarettes for me to smoke on when I got out. I took his word for it. Almost wanting to really believe it. He gave me his phone number and everything. I still remember it. 620.805.2211...So 6 o'clock came and went, as did he. When I saw him leave, I felt like part of me was walking out that door with him. It was the strangest feeling. It was like it was my time to go almost. But nonetheless, I still had a good 8 1/2 hours left behind these walls.
The hours stretched on forever. I decided it was best to try and sleep it out. Because there was nothing I could do to make the time pass by any faster. What's funny is the only song that kept me sane throughout these 48 hours was "Jesus" by Brand New. I would sing it to myself and I could feel peace for just a brief moment. And everything was okay for that moment. And nothing mattered. Not this room. Not these walls. Not these laws. Not these unanswered phone calls. Not my fine. Not what my parents would think. Nothing mattered. And for once that was alright with me.
I woke to the sound of the jail-guard opening my door and I felt free and I swear I almost jumped out of my bed and ran out that door, but I was mistaken. He was putting another inmate in the cell with me and this other man. He was a big black guy. Scary almost. I noticed the time and was so happy I only had 20 minutes left, the guard said he'd get started on my paperwork. I told this man he could just have my bed because I'd be out in no time. "So what are you in for?" I asked. "Uhh...wreckless drivin', possession, traspassin', open container...somethin else too, I forgot." I knew what this guy was all about. I could tell by the inflection in his speech, his attire, his attitude. He was a drug dealer. Now I really didn't want to talk to him anymore, and I think he felt the same. It was now past 2:30 a.m. Past my time to leave. Still no sign of my release. I waited 'til almost 3:45 a.m. because more and more people were being placed in holding. It was a busy night for the GCPD I suppose. But I was in no mood to be waiting around until they felt like letting me go, I should've been a free man already god damn it!
I pounded and pounded on the door until they acknowledged me, as if they had forgot. How convenient for them. Finally they let me out and I shook my inmates hand and wished him well, as he would spend another entire day in this cell by his lonesome. And know exactly what that's like. And I don't wish it upon anyone.
They gave me back my things, and took all the cash I had and wrote me a check for the amount (I guess people get mugged right outside the police station after they're released, odd? maybe. ironic? very.), made me sign a few documents and on my way I was.
I saw that I had about 35 text messages and about 42 missed calls, 20 of those from my parents. Only about 3 of the text messages were from people knew I was in jail because I called right before I was arrested. The rest were people wanting to know if I could help them get beer or help them get a party started or if I knew where the parties were at. I started to question my relationship with a lot of these people. Is that all I really am to them? Shocking. I tried calling Justin, but he never answered. I didn't really care though, because I was free and that's all that really mattered to me. I didn't feel like walking home though, it was really chilly out last night. But everyone who I called didn't answer. And I felt like I was right back in those walls where I had no means of contact with any of the people I wanted to talk to. Until one of them called me back. It was Elias, he was with Cory and Tyler. They came and got me and said they were on their way to the truck stop. How amazing, I thought. I couldn't think of a better way to start my freedom than by hitting the good ol' truck stop. Smoking cigarettes and eating breakfasty food sounded amazing. So I took them up on the offer, and they paid for my food and bought me cigarettes because all I had was a check written out to my name from the GCPD.
They seemed to not think of it as a big of a deal as I did, maybe because they'd also been there before. I thought it was hell, and I never plan on going back.

So I admit I haven't been keeping up with this as much as I would have liked to. But in light of recent events I just feel like it's good to get things in print.
Life is different. Friends have come and gone. Too many to start naming off. It's sad, but I guess we all grow up and move on. I guess maybe I'm just a little late for my calling.
Work sucks, kind of...I guess. I don't know. It's indifferent. It's work. Like, work...not just a job that you show up at and get paid to smile and look presentable and have the ability to pretend to be nice to people that piss you off.
School just started last week, I'm taking night classes and working the day shift at tyson. I guess I forgot to mention that part. I work at tyson. There...that wasn't so hard.
Never thought I would've ended up working there. I guess that's just the way the dice rolled or the way the nut cracks or the way the cards fall, whichever analogy works best for you. Not there's a "you" cause I don't think anyone reads this. But I'll keep it for aesthetic purposes.
I guess it was my english teacher that reminded me how important getting these things written down in a journal...blogging works for me. Pencil writing gives me cramps.
Speaking of which, my neck hurts really bad. Like, not my neck, but my neck muscle on my left side. So does my lower back. And my knuckles. And my feet. And my left arm.

Fuuuuuuuck.

I'm starting to wish I hadn't taken the friends I had for granted. I put off seeing a lot of people before they left...and I miss them so much it almost hurts at times. It doesn't help that my job is really boring and I just think about everything all day and therefore I'm kind of sad a lot of the time at work. People give me dirty looks because I'm quiet. Some guy calls me some name every time I walk by him, but I don't understand him. I haven't the tenacity to ask what he means by it, but I could care less really. He's not going anywhere in life and calling me names isn't going to get him but a cheap thrill for about 5 seconds. And I guess if I make someone's day for 5 seconds it's all fun and games.

I guess I have a lot on my mind. But now is not the time to sit here and keep writing because I should've been asleep 20 minutes ago. I am not going to want to get up tomorrow. I've got to wake up so fucking early.

I miss this...Blogging. Friends. Summer. Everything.

Two buttes has been poppin' off like crazy this summer, and I'm not missing a second of it. Lane was here last week and we were supposed to go to two buttes on friday, but our plans kind of fell through...but we went saturday and sunday after he left. While brenden and lane were in town, I took a double beerbong with liquor and soap, ate el con just about every day for 4 days straight, lane puked on my car after el con, brenden and lane painted the town red and then went to time-out with brenden, orly, and jon...I know I can't remember everything right now but we had a damn good time.

Went and saw The Happening with brian, madison, billy, brittney and brian's dad for father's day yesterday. I was pretty disappointed to say the least. Markie Mark...not your best performance.

I'm hooked on Lil' Wayne's new cd "Tha Carter III"...I know, right? I just can't stop listening to it since this weekend's trip to two buttes.
Shawty wanna li-li-li-li-lick me like a lollipop...

So summer's pretty much officially on. It's fucking hot and humid just about every day and nice and warm at night. I love it...well for the most part, minus the fucking humidity. But cliffs season is in session and we've done a pretty decent job of keeping up with that already going twice in the past week.
Zach was in town for the weekend, and Chad arrived on Saturday night right when we got back from the cliffs. Zach left on sunday, I'm not sure if he'll be coming back anytime soon but he knows he's more than welcome in the mean GC.
Michelle is also back from the little apple and I'm glad to get to hang out with her all summer, as it's always fun having her around.
Life is good in GC. I'm having a good time, and I know it's only going to keep getting better.

Why must all good things come to an end?

I've been thinking that since last weekend pretty much.
And I've yet to come up with a reasonable answer, except that everything and everyone must move on at some point in life.
There are those who move on and those who are left behind.
I'm usually the one left behind, and I'm ready to be the one to move on.

Am I a monster when I sink my teeth into her when I don't love her?
No, I don't love you.
Forgive me darling, but love has nothing to do with this
It has nothing to do with how I can't stop until I get what I want from you.

This is what real men keep quiet.
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth
and sleep at night next to your wife,
who you love too much to tell her you don't love her at all.

I just feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting in the womb.
Do you feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting to come into this world,
where being beautiful means being used?

And how long will we blame the devils on our shoulders,
and pose like angels on the outside?
When all I am is a monster...all I am is a monster.

This is what real men keep quiet.
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth and sleep at night.

It's a long walk to the top of the world.
But once you get there you'll find that you're all alone.

-Continued...

I had this exact thought etched in my mind the other day when I posted but I thought about how you could take it both ways, or maybe both ways mean the same thing really.
Being at the top of the world as in stardom and being rich and famous isn't really all it's cut out to be. Everyone idolizes you and would like nothing more than to get to meet you and have you sign your name on a piece of paper, as if your handwriting were any better than theirs. They don't look at you as a regular human being, therefore friendship is hard to find amongst "peasants" (not that non-famous people are inferior to famous people). But let's face it, there's no way britney spears is going to hang out with a bunch of her fans because it would be so awkward for her to be sitting around with a bunch of people who worship the ground she walks on and expect an authentic friendship out of them.
At the same time, literally being at the top of the world (which would be mount everest) is a very lonely place because there's nobody else up there. So even though you've worked so hard to get to climb this mountain, you might have a few people along with you for support but in the end you really have no one that you're close to. Sure, these people followed you up to the top of a mountain, but as soon as you climb down it you probably won't be too close with those same people because for all you know, they were just in it for the ride.
I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it makes perfect sense to me.

All is well in my neighborhood, I have nothing to worry about. Until I stop to think, is that really a good thing? At this stage in my life you'd think I have something that I worry about. Everyone has something or someone they worry about. Maybe everything I do has become so nonchalant that I've become so used to feeling like a little kid again. Have I really regressed and lost all sense of responsibility?
I've become very disinterested with showing enthusiasm at work, I'm just over it. Nothing seems to strike my attention anymore, I've grown weary with my surroundings.
I need something to keep me motivated, something that'll spark my interest and give me the fuel I need to drive this train right up the ass of anyone that stands in my way.
It's settled. I need to get back in school. I've had a little too much fun, and to be quite honest I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

You can't stop the race.
People moving in place.
Running a crooked path from place to place to place.
Paved in gold.
The chords from which we hang, weaken everyday.
They beg for strength, but they are blessed by our blade.
Questions on our minds, buildings on the rise.
Diamonds, instead of our eyes and corporate fights.

O' busy, busy, bees walking to and from, what if we close our eyes?
What if we can't wake up?
I hope you all rest in peace.
I hope you find what your looking for.
But if that is all that you got, well, there's got to be more.

They lay carpet that's made of red and we walk paths made of gold
but we are blind just past the nose on this tree covered earth.
Can we disappear from all we got?
We are scattered on God's grace but we are a drip,
we are a flash, we are a mist, we are a speck.
...But we got time.

Not much new around this neck of the woods.
I was sick all weekend so that put a damper on things.
Prom was saturday for all the high school cats.
Brian's birthday was also saturday, but I didn't really have the best time due to the fact that I was still running a fever.
Work, work, work.
It's getting harder.

Tis the week of spring break, well for those who have spring break. My life remains quite tedious and monotonous, but I'm enjoying it. I don't necessarily hate working everyday, because to be completely honest with you, I love my job. I like the people I work with (most of them anyways). It's great. But I'm pretty sure if weren't for the people I work with I would've probably quit like a year and a half ago, cause it's not the most exciting job. But we make it fun.
Anyways...yesterday was st. patty's day and I was ready to celebrate after a long day of work. There was seriously like 4 parties going on, and I made sure to hit each and every one of them up before the night was over. But of course, leave it to me to not own any green shirts so I had to make a quick trip to walmart the night before to get this hat, except in green of course.

It was tight.
I had a blast, but of course the night must come to an end at some point...like around 5ish. I worked 12-4 for some girl who called in sick and now I have to go back at 6:30 and work til 10.
Good grief.

Jigaboo Canoe

This weekend was really kind of disappointing, but at the same time really fun. Friday night I hung out with Brian and Luke all afternoon and played poker at Luke's while Brian finished doing some laundry. Afterwards (at around 10) I went to Zach's apartment, but he was out of town so it was just the regular dudes hangin' out.
Saturday I had to work 1-6, then I went to Brian's. We ordered those new pizza mia's from pizza hut, they were pretty good for $5. We had a few friends stop by and played a couple drinking games before some of us went to Irma's toga party. We obviously weren't wearing togas because it was like 20 degrees out, are you kidding me? So as we were walkin up to the place I noticed there was like 25-30 african-american males just standing outside in the yard/driveway. "Man they aint gon' let you in like dat boi!" said the negro. "Yeah man, no toga no party man!" said the other fair-skinned negro. "Uh, okay well I'm the guest of honor...watch me," I said right before I just opened the door and walked in with 4 of my friends right behind me, shutting the door after the last one had entered. Just like that. Apparently they didn't want black people at their party. Racist? Maybe. Understandable? Yes. The only thing is that right as we walked in we were pretty much stuck because this place had exceeded the number of people unfortunate enough to be crammed into an apartment this size. Pretty sure it was a big-time fire hazard. So we didn't stick around for more than 15 minutes, if that. This party had "busted" written all over it, and I didn't see one person in sight drinking (later I found out that the keg was downstairs with about 5 people doing keg stands, 1 of whom was Jon U...go figure). Which makes no sense, why would there only be 5 people hanging out by the keg at a kegger? I'm utterly perplexed, but at the same time I didn't really care, I just wanted to get out of there. So we went back to Brian's after being gone for a whole 20 mins, and we actually ended up having a little party over there, I had a lot of fun. I got to see a bunch of kids I hadn't seen in a while so that was good.
I didn't go home until pretty much 5:30 a.m. and I slept until 2 p.m. Then I watched Stuck On You but I fell asleep watching that too so I slept until about 4 p.m. which gave me just enough time to shower before work at 5.
Irma called in to work today, so I didn't get off at 10 like I was supposed to. I ended up staying till 12 because I felt obligated to cover for her. At work I found out that that the gang of jigaboos (blacks) had migrated over to Zach's apartment because the usual people were back over there hangin out and whatnot. Well, one of these nig-nogs stole Zach's iPod when they took out...and they wonder why they aren't welcome in groups larger than 3 in most people's homes.
And now I have to be at work in 8 hours.
Sweet Jesus.
I am not racist btw...I just like racial slurs.

"Want a beer for the shower?"

Wow, I cannot believe it's been 3 weeks since I've had an update for all ya'll (like all 3 people that read this).
Well let me tell you, I have been having the time of my life. Last Tuesday Dilly and I made our way to topeka to hang out with all those crazy cool Topeka cats. We had such a good time no thanks to Lane's dad, who by the way is an asshole, and Lane proved to be more of an acoholic than I had previously preceived him to be...it was funny though. "Do you guys want a beer for the shower?" Classic. I'll never forget it.
-Tuesday: Dylan, Lane, Peter, and yours truely went to the take action tour and saw Every Time I Die, From First to Last, The Bled, August Burns Red and The Human Abstract (except we showed up right as August Burns Red played so we missed The Human Abstract). It was seriously amazing. I wish I hadn't forgotten my camera in my car, I could've had some sweet youtube eye candy for you.
-Wednesday: thought about watching American Gangster but we decided to party it up instead. I don't remember a whole lot of Wednesday, sorry.
-Thursday: We woke up really late and went out to eat some Taco Bell and then dropped Lane off at home (cause he has a vagina) and Dylan and myself went to see Darkest Hour, Emmure and a couple other shitty bands. We missed Emmure though, we kinda showed up late to that as well.
-Friday: The 3 of us went over to Chris Stringer's, Tony and 2 other guys (whose names I forget) house and play some xbox and we went to a couple car dealerships because Dylan is trying to find a new car. Michelle came and hung out with us so I was pretty stoked to get to see her again. We all went to Josh Sauer's apartment in Lawrence and played rock band and drank summer brew. Lane got sooo wasted, he ended up puking in Josh's bed. I felt so bad...but I got over it and we went to Stake 'n Shake and some guy talked shit to one of Lane's friends and there was almost a fight and the cops came like within a minute. Ridiculous. We were cool though cause niggas aint shit and we didn't do anything wrong. We all made it back to Chris' house and didn't get to bed until after 6 am.
-Saturday: Didn't wake up until about 2 pm, which is an hour after the time I had set to leave Topeka. The day dragged on and we didn't leave until 5:30 cause we also had to drive across town to give Lane his car charger. About an hour after left we noticed there were snowflakes falling and we both thought, "Oh it's drizzling. It'll pass in about 10 minutes." Wrong. We ended up driving through the worst snowstorm I've ever had to drive through in my almost short-lived life. We pulled over at this gas station in Enterprise after we realized that this was getting pretty serious. We watched the weather channel for about 20 minutes because god forbid they should show what's going on in our area after they play a special series on hurricanes. The storm freakin covered all of Kansas pretty much except southwest Kansas. "Great." We got back on the road, but were reduced to mear slugs by mother nature, going no more than 30 (40 when I was feelin' a little ballsy) for about what would've been 3 hours of the trip had we been going the speed limit. After we got to Jetmore, the roads were pretty clear so we went fast to make up for lost time. We didn't get back until roughly 1:30 am. So we were basically on the road for about 8 hours. Radical. I dropped Dylan off and went to Bobby Beck's for Meredith/Jon U's birthday party (which I guess started at Matt Sondags and somehow just migrated to Bobby's. Crashed at Brian's at around 6 am.
-Sunday: Went to work from 12 pm - 9pm. Hung out with Jon U and the guys at Zach's afterwards since it was officially Jon's bday.
-Monday (Today): Worked 7 am - 4 pm. Got a haircut after work, I don't know if I like it yet. Played some pool with Jon and Jay at the student center then hung out at Zach's.

I know most of that doesn't sound like anything worth going into such detail about, but I loved every second of it. Minus going back to work after a much needed vacation.

"What's the other guy look like?"

No update for a whole week?!
That's right, my life is slowly becoming that which I dread the most. I have fallen into the daily grind, except it's not like your average daily grind because it's a little more inconsistant than what you'd expect, making it that much more aggrivating. I work a good 8-10 hours 6 days a week, not always the same shifts either. Hell I'll be lucky to have the same shift twice in one week.
Aside from work, I've really just been hangin out and layin' low...trying to keep in contact with friends and such but not really going out every night. For example, today I worked 7-5 and I'm probably gonna go to bed at 7 or 8 cause I have work at 2 a.m. tomorrow...ridiculous right?
I'm basically just anticipating mine and dylan's first road trip of the year...and it's gonna be a good one, let me tell you. 5 days, count 'em, 5...of unprecidented madness. 2 concerts, hittin' up topeka, manhattan, lawrence and kansas city. Oh it's gonna be freakin' sweet. I got my ore ready for the trip, it actually hasn't left my car since the last.
Well I'm basically just letting ya'll know I'm still alive and well.
I got really drunk and decided to fight michael bazan on friday, and I got a bit of a shiner and a little cut on my cheek...haha everyone is so surprised that I fought someone I work with, especially since we're friends and all.
Okay and remember how I quit smoking? Well I kinda had 1 the other day...yikes, I know. But I basically just did because I thought, how will I know if I really don't want to smoke anymore? Well let's try it and see what it's like. Thanks, but no thanks. I was right about quitting and they just don't appeal to me anymore.
I mean, I might have one sparingly from here on out but seriously...I used to smoke a pack in 2 days, so MAJOR improvement.
I'm also getting back into reading more books.
It freakin' snowed so much today, and it's supposed to keep snowing all day...fuck.
Take care, love life.

"Honk if you like dick. ==D"

So my life's been pretty boring as of late, as you can tell, and I haven't really been doing much other than working and kicking lane's ass on call of duty 4.
I don't really have much to say but I felt like updating.
I worked 2am-12pm today, that wasn't as bad as it sounds...we got this girl named nicole to do scanning with us today, she just started yesterday and she looks really familiar. Crap, I'm so bad with names and people I went to school with.
Anywho...I'm pretty stoked, only 20 more days for our big ro-ad trip! I haven't been on a road trip since I went to see circa survive in denver with brian, madison, chris, cody and rachel...that was like, november? I don't even remember.
I'm done with this.
Have a good day everyone!
P.S. in case you're wondering why this is titled "Honk if you like dick ==D," you haven't been on a ro-ad trip like the ones Dylan and I are a part of.

"How many games are now?"

Last night was pretty crazy...and a little ridiculous. After another 12-9 shift in customer service I hed out to the college to watch the soccer boys play at their indoor soccer league. After that we had a bonfire down at the river again, it was pretty fun (as usual). We had smores, hotdogs, doritos and some mountain dew to wash it down...we also had diego and sammy to entertain us with their native brazilian song and dance.
Right now I'm talking to dylan on the phone about how much our old friends suck.
It's crazy how much people change. If I've changed at all in a bad way, please, call me a douche bag and slap me across the face and let me know. Or you could just say, "dude you've changed..." cause I don't wanna get slapped.
I'm going to go to bed...good night. :)

Karma Police

First of all, I would like to thank all those who supported me throughout this first week of my now smoke-free agenda. Let's keep it up folks.
Last night Dylan and I were at Brian's eating some bomb pizza that Dylan had just brought over and we kinda felt a little bit awkward since Kacee and Darci were there hanging out with Madison. I guess it was Kacee's last night in town, but I didn't really care because it's not like she was my friend or anything...so Dylan and I booked it on over to Zach's. The regular's were all there just chillin' and drinkin' some summer brew, then it kind of turned into a party out of nowhere. Zach was totally cool with it and I quote "I didn't even call one person over tonight...there's a party going on without me even knowing I was having a party...this is awesome!" He then proceeded to do the unexpected...he kicked his roof. That's right. Don't ask me how on God's green earth he did it, but this white boy's got ups.

Then by the end of the night I guess I had dropped my wallet outside and Ivan found it and brought it to me. I was so stoked but I hadn't even realized that I didn't have it on me, so I look inside and what's missing? $250.
Radical, I had just gotten paid yesterday and now I have absolutely no money for the rest of the week.
I don't know what I'm going to do.

"No habla ingles ma'am!"

So I'm still sick and I'm still not smoking. Funny thing is I haven't craved a cigarette at all since I last smoked one on friday night. That's really weird because I mean, I've been sick before and that didn't stop from smoking for more than 3 days but I've made it past that hump so maybe I can finally quit smoking on my own without any of these meds that people have begun taking because they don't have the will power to quit on their own. Geez run-on sentence. If there's one thing I've learned up until this point is to never use run-on sentences, that's what semi-colons, colons and commas are for. SHINFO...anyways I feel good about not smoking and I really kind of dread picking it back up, so let's pray for closure.
Yesterday I worked 4am-9am then 12pm-4pm then went to the basketball game at 7ish. We lost by 1 point, it was pretty disappointing...afterwards we partied at zach's and Jon passed out as usual (see video below).
Today consisted of waking up late for work, working 9 am - 6pm, coming home, going to nicole wilks', applebees, going to ed's and blogging. Fun! Nicole's a really nice girl, I'd never really talked to her before.
Well I'm going to get some rest, I've been lacking in that department lately.
K so youtube is pissing me off and won't upload it so check back later for it.

Isn't it ironic?

No, Alanis, it's not. It's very unfortunate, but I don't think rain on your wedding day is ironic at all. I've just been thinking about that all morning because I heard it on the radio as I was waking up.
So I've been sick for the past 4 days and it sucks. Only one good thing can come of me getting sick, and that is I really don't enjoy smoking when I'm sick. Haven't smoked for 4, going on 5, days and I feel pretty good about it. Who knows, I might just stop all together. Chances are I probably won't though...
So I feel like crap, I'm going to go watch Good Luck Chuck and then play xbox live some more...I'm a game junkie, what can I say?
Have a good day! :)

cellophane flowers

So last night was Ellen's tacky sweater party, and that was fun. Half of the people there were dressed quite appropriately. Me and Orly kicked ass at tippy-cup, per usual. I didn't think I was that drunk but as I'm thinking back on what happened last night I can't really put together all the pieces. I don't remember leaving Ellen's or who I left with, but I remember being at Orly's with him and Meredith. I don't remember leaving there, and I certainly don't remember coming home but I do remember sleeping in my own bed and not making a drunken scene.
I think I need to stop drinking...that would probably be best for me right now.
Last night was also Raul's last night in town, he leaves today for Wichita, and then back, back to Cali, Cali.
I just wish I could skip the goodbyes every time someone leaves. I don't know why it's so hard for me to see people go. Is that just me? Or does anybody else feel that way?
Oh well, I'm gonna go watch cloverfield today. Should be good! :)
Taco bell sounds so good right about now...
Love life.

Last night me, jon, justin, luke and all kinds'a college kids were at bowl mania from 9-12. After that jon, justin, lane, zach and chad went to have a bonfire that I was supposed to go to, but I was gonna stop by luke's first...turns out they didn't stay too long. Lane came by luke's until about 3:30 a.m. when he took me home. I barely had enough time to change and get to work, I was still actually kinda drunk but I made there by 4. I worked 4 a.m. - 12 p.m. scanning, shit's weak...not hard at all though really.

now I'm kinda tired but not tired enough to sleep.
radical.

snakefarm, just sounds nasty...

Waking up after only sleeping for about 5 hours really sucks...missed breakfast with lane and michelle since they both didn't wake up in time to go before 10 am when I had to be at work. I really wasn't looking forward to today at all...finally having to say goodbye to Michelle, that was hard. It was like, I didn't wanna say goodbye but you know that's just the way the dice rolls. It's not like I'm never gonna see her again, but I just really hate saying goodbye to people that I won't see for an extended period of time. It's probably one of the hardest things for me, and one of the few things that will bring a tear to my eye...depending on the person. So I finshed off my shift at work and got off at 4...Lane came by and picked me up then we went to Brian's for a little bit then to Jon's and played some Xbox 360.
We had another bonfire tonight, except with less people and certainly not Miss Michelle.
After we got around blowing up chad's 40s and telling ghost stories, we went out to this supposed haunted place that burned down or something...totally not scary, but lane and zach were shitting themselves the whole time.
It was fun, kinda...something's missing though.

so as the weekend comes to an end, we decided to end it on a good note by having a bonfire at the river tonight since michelle's leaving tomorrow! :( we're gonna go have breakfast early in the morning before I have to work at 10.
it was fun, but it was totally raging hot. but like I said, I have to work at 10am and michelle left around 12:30 so I had her give me a ride home...and here I am. I've been hooked on silverstein's first cd lately, it's so good and it reminds me of like my freshmen year...god it seems like so long ago that me and anh would sit in biology and just talk about silverstein, jammin' to them on our sony walkmans. it brings back memories...I'm kind of a sap, I get sad when I listen to music that reminds me of the good old days. Not because those times were sad, but just because I miss those days. I wish I could just relive the past 4 years of my life over and over again until I get sick of it...which would probably be a long time. well all you people out there reading this (or not), I'm going to hit the hay. love life.

I have procrastinated beyond reasonable doubt. You haven't received an update from me in a while, so here I am...awkward.
This last week has been amaaaaazing. I've been having so much fun (maybe a little too much at times) hanging out with Lane, Michelle, Jon, Justin and the soccer guys. It makes me sad that Michelle is leaving for Manhatty tomorrow but that's just life and as much as I'd like her to stay, she's got business to take care of; as do I. Yesterday Michelle and I sat on the curb and she pretended to smoke with me, which is awesome because she makes smoking look good...seriously. We talked about life and college and whatnot, and it got me thinkin' a lot. Which, in case you didn't already know, is pretty much what I love to do. Call me weird. I just love to sit there and think about the deepest things that are going on, I even think hypothetically if there's nothin good scramblin' around up there.
But anyways, best week ever. Michelle is so much fun to have around and Lane is just crazy as usual, so it's like the best of both worlds. I can't wait to go up to Topeka in February for the Take Action Tour! I'm definitely going to make it a priority to see Michelle while I'm da hood.
I would upload a crap ton of pictures, but I just did that on facebook and I'm kinda pooped...so sorry.
But I can summarize what I remember of this week for you right now.
Air hockey, bowling, beer bong, pabst blue ribbon, work, soccer house, beer bong, red baron, beer bong, work, stana's, ellen's tacky sweater party (which by the way only Jon and Lane dressed appropriately), beer bong, work, movies, jon urban passing out (per usual), work.

School night.

It's kind of funny how after a night of snowing you can have one of the most beautiful days you've had in weeks. I love it. As I was smoking a cigarette outside on my break today, I could actually feel the heat coming from the sun on my skin, it was actually pretty comforting.
So Lane came back to GC today after a whole 3 days of being back in Topeka, I got my car partially fixed (windshield down, bumper/hood to go!) which is awesome cause now I can actually drive again. I had to work from 12-4/7-10 today, which sounds shitty and really is because I hate split shifts, but it was really slow so I was chillin'.
After work I met up with Lane, Michelle, Jon You, Jenn, and Justin at the student center.

We hung out for a while before none other than Zach Bowling came along. I hadn't seen that guy in a while. I really like Zach, he's a cool guy...he's pretty much a down ass motherfucker. We ended up going back to his place and somehow gathered enough money to buy a case of 3.2 beer at the Kwik Shop for them to drink on, on a school night...how funny. The first school night after a long break and they're still drinkin'. Then one of the guys decided to shave his head, so there's this...

hahahahaha man, it gets me every time.
I have to work in no less than 5 and a half hours...goodnight!

So I was driving down Kansas on my way to Hastings with Dilly and out of nowhere, as if some sort of ragin demon that was out for vengeance, the wind picked up and made the hood of my car come up and broke my windshield. Freakin' ridiculous, right? As if it wasn't bad enough I messed up both my front and bumpers on the dip by lane's ex-house last tuesday. So I'm leaning out the window of my car, only Ace Ventura would have done it so ridiculous as I. I'm pretty sure I got a bug in my mouth or something...anyways, it sucked. So then I pull over where all the street ricers park in that parking lot in the far south side of the strip mall, kind of in the middle of nowhere (why do they park there anyways? it's not a cool spot at all), I called Dylan and told him what happened since he was kinda following me. We decided not to go to Hastings and he went on his merry way, as did I...for about 15 seconds. I pulled back onto Kansas Ave.(right out of the exit by hastings and start headed towards Dillons to get duct tape for my hood so I can seal it until I got home. Well, as I previously stated, not even 15 seconds later my hood pops right back up and hits my windshield again. What fucking luck, right? So I just kinda said, "fuck it...I can still kinda see." I made it about a block or two before I got sick of leaning out the window and pulled over again. So I drove like 20 mph the rest of the way to dillons and got duct tape and kinda did a half-assed job cause I was so pissed about the whole situation.
Anyways...needless to say I'm without a vehicle at the moment because I don't want to get a ticket for driving with a busted windshield (even though I can totally still see).
On the bright side, I won $112 in lotto, bought a badass canon digi, some games and a few other things to make myself feel a little bit better about this whole situation.

SOOOOOOO...this means, I'm going to be updating way more often now that I have a camera to upload lots of pictures of stuff that happens instead of writing so much about it, because lets face it...pictures are so much better to look at and don't take about 15 minutes to read like this blog.

It's a beautiful morning.

New Year's Eve was a blast. I'll tell you what, as far I as I can remember anyways...I had to work until 10 at Dillon's that night but it was no biggie because I did as best as I could to catch up to everyone else who was already sloshed by the time I showed up to Cody's. We had fun, luis pissed himself, threw up on himself and was taken home before midnight. Josh tried to fight Sarah? err something. I don't know...but anyways it was all a lot of fun. I somehow managed to drive to Stana's New Year's Eve bash, which was also a lot of fun. Michelle was my New Year's kiss, that was sweet of her even though I was totally wasted.

Lane came into town on New Year's Day, so we kicked it as soon as I got off work. We went to Stana's with Michelle and hung out and watched Mean Girls and Lane and Jon got drunk. I love watching other people get drunk sometimes and just being sober because then I can laugh at their expense because I know I do the same things every single time.

Today I woke up to Lane calling me about going to eat lunch at El Con with Michelle, Jon, Jenn, Justin, Dakota, Peter and Daniel. That was good, as always. Afterward we went to the "mall" and hung out and whatnot. Then I worked from 7-10, then went over to Brevan's and hung out with everyone again and played GH3.

I have to work at 11 and it is now 3:25 a.m.